Zombieland Page #6

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Our GUYS are camped out in an IKEA SHOWROOM, enjoying

different ‘rooms.’ LITTLE ROCK swings in a hammock, scarfing *

a plate of SWEDISH MEATBALLS. COLUMBUS PLOPS down on a SOFA *

next to WICHITA and hands her a PIECE of PAPER. She reads:

WICHITA:

What are these?

COLUMBUS:

Clues.

WICHITA:

(reads)

My honey. My sweetie. Look for

the ‘X’ right under your feetie.

(beat, trying hard to act

pleasantly surprised)

A scavenger... hunt?

14.

CUT TO a MONTAGE of WICHITA uncomfortably ‘hunting.’

Flipping over pillows. Kicking over trash-cans. Columbus *

watches. At the end of the hunt, there’s a FANCY ENVELOPE. *

Wichita pulls out the card and acts excited. *

WICHITA *

A... poem! *

(scans) *

You rhymed ‘yearning’ with... *

‘burning.’ *

(panicky)

That’s incredibly nice. I’m so...

(goes to say ‘touched’)

...sorry. Really, really sorry.

COLUMBUS:

Oh, man. Are you..?

WICHITA:

Slowing this down. Way down.

COLUMBUS:

But Krista...

WICHITA:

(winces)

Cool if we go back to Wichita?

COLUMBUS:

You’re revoking my Krista *

privileges?! Be honest. Is there *

anyone else? *

Wichita and Columbus look over at the anyone else:

TALLAHASSEE. He’s writhing around on a fake BEARSKIN RUG,

wrestling to get his JEANS on OVER his BOOTS.

COLUMBUS (V.O.)

So you see, Wichita and I had *

already slowed it down. Way down. *

Maybe it was a good thing. This *

family’s plenty dysfunctional. *

EXT. AHMANSON THEATER - DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - MORNING

COLUMBUS (V.O.) *

Maybe that’s why we need new, uh, *

blood... *

Our HEROES stand downtown, BLINDED by the GLITTERY glass of

the L.A. LANDMARK. Suddenly, TALLAHASSEE spies MOVEMENT.

It’s the REFLECTION of a ZOMBIE running from behind!

15.

Tallahassee nonchalantly draws his WINCHESTER RANDALL, swings

it until it’s upside-down, pointing BACKWARD over his

shoulder, and FIRES. The zombie DROPS in a spray of BLOOD. *

Alerted by the noise, a BEARDED MAN in WINDOW-WASHING GEAR

appears on the ROOF of the Ahmanson, where he’s been taking

clothes off a makeshift CLOTHESLINE. He waves excitedly.

WINDOW WASHER:

Morning!

TALLAHASSEE:

Morning! Could use some company!

Join us?!

WINDOW WASHER:

Marvelous!

The man disappears, then reappears with a SUITCASE and climbs

onto a WINDOW WASHING PLATFORM. He uses the ROPE/PULLEY to

LOWER the platform - and himself - toward the street.

COLUMBUS:

It is marvelous. Remember this

day. As the start of something

truly special.

Wichita ROLLS her EYES. The man is passing a row of windows

when WITHOUT WARNING...

...a ZOMBIE SMASHES THROUGH the glass and TACKLES him. The

pair SPLATS on the street. Our heroes STARE, STUNNED. *

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