Zombieland

Synopsis: Four survivors are killin' zombies and searching for a place to call home. At least they have each other.
 
IMDB:
5.9
TV-MA
Year:
2013
28 min
1,325 Views


AINSLEY (O.S.) *

First thing. Wake up. Keurig’s *

broken. *

FADE UP ON:
*

EXT./INT. OFFICE - DAY *

Cubicles divide a sedate office. We’re on the FIRST FLOOR, *

looking through a huge PLATE GLASS WINDOW onto a PARKING LOT *

outside. Two pasty OFFICE WORKERS, AINSLEY and FRED, sit in *

FRONT of the window, BACKS to it, in the midst of a full-on *

white-collar American moan-and-groan. *

AINSLEY *

No coffee. Yeah. So I drive to *

Starbuck’s. ‘Cause I can’t *

function. I get out of the car. *

Phone flies off my lap onto the *

asphalt. Screen cracks. *

FRED *

Oh, man. *

AINSLEY *

I’m staring at the crack. Pissed *

as shit. ‘Cause I just got the new *

5S. And a new plan. *

FRED *

Take it back, tell them it came *

that way. They might replace it. *

If you find the right Genius. *

In the parking lot BEHIND Ainsley and Fred, a woman silently *

SPRINTS in HIGH HEELS toward her CAR, chased by a hungry *

ZOMBIE. Thus begins a marvelously intricate, chaotic, *

gruesome ACTION SCENE kicking off the zombie apocalypse. *

WE HAVE A FRONT ROW SEAT TO THE MADNESS OUTSIDE, BUT AINSLEY *

AND FRED HAVE THEIR BACKS TO IT, OBLIVIOUS AS THEY BITCH. *

AINSLEY *

And of course what do I notice -*

this isn’t even part of the story -*

one of my apps is missing. The *

icon. From the home screen. *

Somehow I deleted it. *

FRED *

Butt-deleted. *

2.

The woman outside squirms into her car and slams the door. *

The zombie dives through the glass of the DRIVER’S WINDOW. *

Its legs dangle out the window. *

AINSLEY *

Butt-deleted. Yeah. Only I can’t *

remember which one’s gone, ‘cause *

it’s gone. And I won’t figure it *

out-*

FRED *

(nods) *

-’til you need to use it. I hate *

that. *

The woman PEELS OUT of her space. A truck speeds past, a *

BUSINESSMAN ZOMBIE hanging off its back bumper. The truck *

SMACKS the LEGS of the first ZOMBIE, RIPPING it IN HALF. *

The truck goes over a SPEED BUMP. The businessman zombie *

lets go, FACE-PLANTS, SKIDS across asphalt, notices the *

disembodied legs of the first zombie, and starts to EAT them. *

AINSLEY *

Fucking. Hate! So it gets better. *

I order at Starbuck’s. And they *

ask my name. No one ever hears my *

name right. Ainsley. No one ever *

gets that. So I say Jill. And he *

writes Jill on the cup. Only now *

my coffee’s ready. They call out *

Jill. I’ve forgotten I’m Jill! *

Which wouldn’t be a problem... *

FRED *

Lemme guess... *

A LANDSCAPER runs into frame with a JANITOR ZOMBIE on his *

heels. The landscaper is trying desperately to start a gas-*

powered double-bladed HEDGE TRIMMER. *

AINSLEY *

(nods) *

Another fucking Jill. She walks *

off with my soy chai latte. And I *

end up with her whole milk whatever-*

the-f*ck. But of course I don’t *

realize it ‘til I’m back in the *

car, and I’m two thirds through the *

venti, thinking this tastes a *

little different. *

FRED *

Wait, aren’t you-? *

3.

The LANDSCAPER starts the HEDGE TRIMMER, turns, SWINGS, and *

HALF-DECAPITATES the JANITOR ZOMBIE. *

AINSLEY *

(nods) *

Lactose intolerant. And now I’ve *

finished a venti of cow’s milk. So *

I gotta pull into Walgreen’s for *

some Lactaid so I don’t get *

diarrhea. ‘Cause that’s what dairy *

gives me. Diarrhea. *

FRED *

Oh my freaking God. So-?! *

The businessman zombie abandons its meal and runs after the *

landscaper, who fails to extricate his hedge trimmer from the *

janitor zombie’s neck. The businessman zombie TACKLES the *

landscaper, who is IMPALED on the hedge trimmer. *

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Rhett Reese

Rhett Reese is an American film producer, television producer and screenwriter. As a screenwriter, his early credits included Clifford's Really Big Movie and Cruel Intentions 3. He has collaborated with Paul Wernick, writing the films Zombieland, G.I. Joe: Retaliation and Life, as well as Deadpool and its 2018 sequel Together they also created the reality series The Joe Schmo Show. more…

All Rhett Reese scripts | Rhett Reese Scripts

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Submitted by acronimous on March 13, 2016

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    "Zombieland" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2020. Web. 1 Oct. 2020. <https://www.scripts.com/script/zombieland_34>.

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