Your Highness Page #3

It's getting juices in our water supply.

It's a souvenir of my kill.

I always take one

from a foe that's tasted the cold,

unrelenting steel of my blade.

Souvenir of your kill?

That sounds like a rather stupid,

bloodthirsty tradition.

What's your problem?

Why are you such a sourpuss?

I'm not being a sourpuss. I just

didn't wanna be at that celebrations.

All I want is for you

to be a part of this moment.

I want you to be gay with me and father.

I don't want to be gay with you two.

I'd rather just stay in here

with my blade and f*** things up.

Why would you say that?

Because, Fabious, it's true.

I'm sick and tired

of everyone sucking up on your tits

because you are to become king.

All the while, no one gives

two turtle shits about me.

But Thaddy,

first borns like me, we become king.

Second borns, you can be

whatever you want to be.

I want to be king.

Maybe we can both be king.

No, I want to be king by myself.

Well, cheer up, Brother.

I have something else that you can be.

What?

Best man at my wedding.

I can think

of no one else I'd want by my side

as I sing my vow passionately

into her eyes.

Sounds tedious and boring.

If I'm not mistaken, it's tradition

that the best man gets

to finger the bridesmaids.

Really? I've never heard

of this tradition.

You have a f***ing deal.

Oh, you're gonna be so handsome!

Who's gonna be

the most handsome best man?

Probably me.

Who's the prince

with the most dashing moustache?

Me.

Who gives the warmest hugs?

Me, of course.

I love you, Thadeous.

Okay, that's cool.

All gather for the royal wedding!

Hello there, best man.

Best man?

If he wanted a best man,

he should have chosen me.

How many quests

have I been on with Fabious?

- Countless.

- Mmm.

I gave my hand to save his life

on the battlefield.

And yet he chooses Thadeous

as his best man.

That sorry sack of sh*t.

Such a poor excuse for a prince.

He's nothing more than a self-entitled,

rotten child!

Idiot.

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you.

Belladonna...

Oh, my love.

Oh, Fabious, I can't wait

until the cervix is over,

and to lie together as one:

No, the service.

The cervix is a circular wing

of muscles that contracts or expands.

It's up in your vagina.

That's where my penis will go

after the wedding.

Have you not consummated your love?

Not yet.

Belladonna has never been with a man

so we've decided to preserve her purity

till after the wedding.

She's given me this ribbon

from her fair hair.

To hold on to until

we can be together in a sex-way.

Yes.

Enough, enough.

If Thadeous wishes to play forgetful

on his brother's day of days,

then wait we shall not.

I can't get married

without my brother. He's my best man.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes