Tusk Page #3

it or smelled anything like it.

She would hang stuff on her

walls, too. Just like you.

My life lines these walls, Mr. Bryton.

And though I cannot boast of legs,

that are functioning...

That keep me ambulatory.

I still thank the Lord for

leaving me with a memory,

a living memory of my many adventures.

Yeah, those adventures are

what I'm here about, Mr. Howe.

You said that on the phone

that you were much more

interested in me personally

than you were the room.

Yes, because I saw this.

- Oh!

- Yeah.

And you have no idea, I'm up

here in this frozen shithole.

I think my trip is a bust.

And I feel like I just stumbled

into a goldmine, with this thing.

And you talk about sharing

stories. That's what I do.

I'm a storyteller by trade.

Oh, I see. You're a... You're a writer?

Well, mmm-mmm.

I'm a podcaster.

What on earth is that?

Oh...

I'm sorry. I'm not

laughing at you. You just...

You just reminded me of my mom.

"Wally, what're you doing?"

Ugh, she's the worst. You're fantastic.

Um, a podcast is kinda like a...

It's like a radio show

that's not on the radio.

It's on... It's on the Internet.

Does that make sense?

Uh-huh.

Yeah. That's also like my mom.

It makes this sound more

confusing, doesn't it?

Uh, it sounds like this.

Listen... Now you listen to me.

I just came in my pants.

That's my McConaughey,

prematurely ejaculating.

I pissed my pants.

So you can actually say those

things without any repercussion?

Yeah, the audience likes

it, real and raunchy.

So I try to keep it real and raunchy.

And real raunchy.

You know the freedoms

your generation enjoys...

- Hmm.

- Oh, I tell you...

Libertines the lot of you.

Can I just tell you something?

This is gonna sound really weird but...

I've never had tea like this.

It's blowing my mind.

I feel like I've never

had tea in my life.

Um, I'm like popping my cherry.

I'm not even a tea person.

I believe we're all tea people.

There's a trick to it.

You see, you soak the leaves

in brandy before steeping.

Of course.

You can't lose with booze.

"Well, always do sober

what you'd do drunk.

"It will teach you to

keep your mouth shut. "

Okay, okay. Now, this one, I know. Uh...

Hemingway said that.

Yes, he did.

He said it to me.

You knew Ernest Hemingway?

Well, we met on the waters of Normandy.

You were there for D-Day?

No, I was there before D-Day.

I was there when it was

called Operation Neptune.

Holy... Hold on.

You were on the beach?

No, no. I was on a boat as was Ernie.

Ernie?

Ernie was deemed "precious

cargo" by the powers that be,

so he was prohibited from

joining the incursion.

They ordered Hemingway to stay

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote