Tusk Page #2
Yeah, it's about two hours from here.
Yeah, the kids here at
the convenience store
are telling me that it's
"aboot" two hours away.
I hate American guys.
Yeah, what's your address?
So to this end, I'm
offering a room for rent
This arrangement will be free of charge,
providing you perform the
simple household chores
I can no longer tend to
from the confines of
this cursed wheelchair.
But though I may be old, I have lived.
And I will tell you all
about my many adventures,
in vivid detail.
Please feel free to call
me at the number below.
Respectfully, Howard Howe.
All right. This better
be f***ing worth it.
You have arrived at your destination.
Hello? Hello?
Hello! Up here, please.
Hello?
Good evening!
Mr. Howe?
Well actually, it's Howard.
Mr. Howard, hey!
You know, when people first
become entangled with my name,
it's much like a French bedroom farce.
Now, Mr. Howe would be appropriate,
but I prefer the intimacy of Howard.
Howard.
Now that we have that
unpleasantness out of the way,
may I welcome you to
Pippy Hill, my home.
Oh, yes. It's great.
- It's nice to meet you.
- Pleasure. Pleasure.
Could I interest you in some tea?
You can. But first, uh...
Can I use your bathroom?
Smashing.
Phew!
Hoo-ah!
Oh, Jesus!
Whoo!
Well, did everything come out all right?
Oh, yeah. Great.
Thank you.
You're welcome, there's your tea.
All right. Thank you.
You know, my second wife...
I presume my last...
Used to say, bless her heart.
"Rather saint than sin,
Better out than in. "
She was referring to gas,
of course! Her own, mind you.
That's great.
This... Thank you.
You bet.
God damn, this is good.
So did you find the
water closet satisfactory?
Oh, yes. Thank you so much.
That was great!
I was holding it in for half the ride.
It's a little embarrassing but, um...
I was kinda spooked to get out of
the car in the middle of nowhere.
...You know.
I must say
Well, I'm telling you,
Did I understand you
correctly on the phone
when you said you weren't
looking for a living arrangement?
Mmm-mmm.
No, I live in Los Angeles.
- Oh?
- Yeah.
City of Angels.
Well, I've never seen any myself.
More the opposite, really.
My grandma, Mimsy, used to tell us,
"You needn't go very far to
find hell in a hand basket. "
I like that. I like Mimsy.
Oh, my grandma... My
grandma used to say...
She'd say, "Hell is your children. "
Chain smoker, "Hell is your
children. " She was the worst.
How droll.
She must've been an interesting woman.
Oh, now, she was flatulent.
Oh, let me tell you, it was cra...
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"Tusk" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 2 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/tusk_22372>.
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