The Greasy Strangler Page #4

for the audiobooks.

I'd do all the voices for the characters,

even the dragons and trolls.

What will the book be called?

The first one is going to be called

"The Amulet of Arg".

Arg is the reluctant keeper

of the trolls' realm.

In the second book,

he crosses over to the digital realm

to become the digi-troll.

In the third book, he fulfils his destiny

as the Lord of the Three Realms.

He has the largest amulet.

I bet you have

a pretty large amulet yourself.

I don't own an amulet.

You're a real change of pace for me

after guys like Rico.

He was all fingers.

I didn't say you could do that.

Hey, where's my dad?

(SCREAMING)

(BELCHES)

Ronnie? Is that you, Ronnie?

Why, yes it is.

It's me, Ronnie.

You must be driving some oily roads.

You're getting a lot of car washes

these days.

What are you implying, Paul?

Oh, nothing.

Just making a pleasantry,

that's all, Ronnie.

Just a pleasantry.

You ever hear those?

Next time keep it to yourself, OK?

I'm not the Greasy Strangler.

I never said you were, Ronnie.

I'm not the Greasy Strangler.

(LAUGHING)

All right, Big Brayden.

- Hey, Oinker.

- You ready to hit the Horror House?

Hey, you didn't tell me

you were out tonight.

Two nights in a row is not permitted,

unless I come with you.

Or I could evict you.

Dad, I told you this morning.

- You were too groggy to pay attention.

- Or too stoned on fart fumes.

Brayden told me you trumped

a real humdinger the other day.

He said you cut

the world's biggest cheese.

He said his eyes were watering.

I'm joining you

at the Horror House tonight.

I'm free tonight,

so I'm coming with you

to the Horror House.

But Dad!

If you don't let me come,

I'm going to tell Janet

that you haven't even stuck one finger

up a girl's p*ssy yet, OK?

Oinker, where did you get those shoes?

I'm renting them,

and I'm absolutely loving it.

- (SNORTS)

- (SNORTS)

Very good shoes, Oinker.

Three tickets for the Horror House,

please, Big Thaddeus.

Sure thing, Big Brayden.

Popcorn. I need a big bucket of popcorn.

No, this isn't right.

I need more grease on this.

Hey.

You! Hey, hey, hey!

RONNIE:
Grease! Grease! Grease! Grease!

- Dad.

- What?

Janet is coming over tonight.

We're making baguettes for dinner.

They're long French bread sticks

filled with melted mozzarella

and lardons, which are ham cubes.

Janet went to France last year.

She fell in love with the food.

Is it OK if she comes tonight, Dad?

OK, disco people, do you remember

the Earth, the Wind and the Fire?

Did you know that all three of them

lived in that apartment up there?

I've been making my own olive oil

in my bedroom.

Extra virgin.

(UNZIPPING)

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