The Greasy Strangler Page #5

Like this, Janet?

I don't know if I'm doing it right, Janet.

I don't know if I'm doing it right, Janet.

Like this?

Is this right?

Janet?

I don't know if I'm doing it right, Janet.

Like this?

(SIGHING)

- Good morning, Ronnie.

- It is now.

Do you got any disco tours

lined up for today?

Maybe.

Do you like oily grapefruit?

(SLURPING)

(PEEING)

(STOPS PEEING)

Hello?

Who's there?

Brayden, is that you?

No, it's Ronnie, Brayden's dad.

Oh.

Everything OK?

Yeah. I wanted to watch you go pee.

Peeing is private.

Yeah, usually.

But I got teeth to brush.

Go ahead, keep peeing. I won't look.

(RESUMES PEEING)

I thought you weren't gonna look.

Hey, beautiful Janet.

Oh, hey, Brayden.

Are we exclusive?

Because my dad said he watched you go pee.

Excuse me, I'm talking to you.

OK, I get it.

We're playing a sort

of silent game, right?

Do you like me?

Are you a bullshit artist?

I don't know what to think

about anything right now.

You're amazing.

(GROANING)

I'm... dying.

I'm actually... dying.

(CHOKING) Things are getting brighter.

Now they're getting slightly darker.

Sorry, mate.

I blacked out there.

Part of the dying process, I reckon.

Oh.

(GROWLING)

F*** me, this is amazing!

(SNORTING)

I've been thinking

I should spend some time with Janet.

Why, Dad?

I know women.

I don't want to see you get hurt, OK?

I should spend some time

getting to know her, alone.

Yeah, so you can be a smoothie to her

and make her love you.

Bullshit.

I just know a lot more about women

than you do.

Women like me.

Yeah? Why did Mum leave, then?

She left because you used to get

into her bed and poop all over her leg.

That's a lie and you know it.

Sorry, it's not.

She yelled it from a moving car

when she was leaving.

Bullshit artist.

You mean, meeting Ricky Prickles

with his ripped-up abdominal muscles

had nothing to do with her leaving?

That's it for you, Colonel Crapper.

- Sergeant Shizzly, you're evicted.

- Dad!

You've only got three and a half hours

to vacate the property.

No!

OK, you're not really evicted,

but you will be,

if you don't let me spend some time

getting to know Janet.

But she seems nice.

She seems like a nice, true girl.

I don't want this c*nt

to f*** you up and leave you lonely.

OK, fine, take her out.

I guess it could help.

I trust you, Dad.

I'm Big Ronnie and I'm back!

Where are you taking her?

Oh, this little night club

I took your mother to once.

Is it romantic?

Put it this way.

Is it exclusive? You bet it is.

Are there expensive

high-quality crme cocktails?

What the f*** do you think?

I'm expecting to run up

a formidable bar bill tonight.

15 bucks for a luxuriously creamy

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