The Greasy Strangler

(FOOTSTEPS)

- Time to get up, Dad.

- Hmm?

You sleep all right?

People like milky coffee.

Why not put a little grease

in your coffee?

No, Dad.

It sounds gross.

Why not put a little grease in your java?

Why not try it?

You're such a gross-out, Dad.

I think I might barf.

I'm not saying I wanna do it.

I just wonder why

they haven't tried greasy coffee.

Greasy coffee?

Hey, you probably think

I'm the Greasy Strangler.

I never said that.

Tell you a secret.

I am the Greasy Strangler.

Hey, I call bullshit on that.

OK.

I'm not the Greasy Strangler.

But you're a bullshit artist.

Yeah, I kind of am.

Now, who likes the Bee Gees?

Well, this is where they came up

with that fabulous, spunky song,

"Night Fever".

What do you mean, "came up with"?

They wrote the lyrics while

they were standing in this doorway.

Why were they standing in this doorway?

They were waiting

for a friend to pick them up.

They were going out for Chinese

and celebrating his birthday.

Can you verify that, please?

Trust me, I know disco.

I thought free drinks

were included in this tour.

No, there's no free drinks.

I don't know where you got that idea.

- It said in the brochure.

- The information you got is bullshit!

We don't need even fizzy drinks.

Just water would be enough.

You got false information.

We must have free drinks.

No free drinks!

- Free drinks now!

- No free drinks!

Come on, we want free drinks.

- Free drinks.

- We must have free drinks.

No free drinks!

Free drinks! Free drinks!

Free drinks! Free drinks! Free drinks!

Free drinks! Free drinks! Free drinks!

Free drinks! Free drinks! Free drinks!

No free drinks!

Frei drinken.

Nichts frei drink.

You must give me free drinks immediately.

Drop it with the free drinks crap.

We believe in the power of free drinks.

There are no free drinks,

and if you're trying

to rip me a new asshole,

you're making a big mistake.

You are a shitty businessman.

You know that, no?

And you're a bunch of fucking cunts.

Check my cheeks.

I'm sorry.

My dad can get cranky sometimes.

He sure has a temper on him.

Yeah.

He likes to shout. I like to smile.

You cheesy old cornball.

Yeah, that's what I am.

I'm a cheesy old cornball.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, you are.

But that's OK.

I kind of like it.

My name's Brayden.

(SCOTTISH ACCENT) Brayden?

Is that Scottish?

It's not Scottish. What's your name?

I'm Janet.

Hey, stop talking to the customer

and help Dad with his shorts.

So, Dad, I think I've got a date

with that hot girl from the tour.

No way! You're a bullshit artist.

No, it's official.

It's all been confirmed. She likes me.

- She's yanking your chain. Trust me.

- No, Dad.

She likes my character. She said so.

And her name's Janet.

That's not right.

I need them greasy

and this is nothing like greasy.

Do you understand?

Too much grease is bad for you.

I read it in a fitness magazine

someone left on the bus.

That's horse shit.

You're a bullshit artist.

We have an agreement.

You stay here, you cook greasy.

And this is not it.

Maybe you should just go live

with your mum and Ricky Prickles.

Dad, don't keep saying that.

You know Ricky Prickles hates me.

Last time I was there,

he called me Fatty Boom Boom.

(SCOFFS)

First, there's this dry food.

Now you're telling me

you got a girlfriend.

Next you're gonna be

leaving the family business.

You must not like me very much.

Is that what this is all about?

I'm sorry, Dad.

I can add more oil if you want.

I'm not hungry anymore.

Dad, I don't wanna leave you.

But I guess I do like Janet.

She might not like me, though,

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