The Dick & Paula Celebrity Special Page #4

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show you round.

Can we talk more now?

- It'd help me with the details.

- Sure, no problem.

Nice car.

Thanks. Want

to drive it?

- Because it's a terrific...

- Is it yours?

Sure. What am I, a car thief?

It's an Aston Martin.

You're welcome, come on.

You've got a wig, it's...

- Camouflage.

- Really?

- Give me the keys.

- Thank you.

You look so much

longer-haired.

Got enough room?

Not too fast, the

steering's a little...

Like flying a plane.

Yeah, a 1967 Aston Martin.

Cost me a fortune.

And I had them put

the wheel on the left.

Wanna go for a drink?

I promised a friend I'd

go to his opening.

You know the painter,

Bruce Bishop?

- I've seen his work.

- He's a genius!

You know what?

We'll go to the party...

and have a

drink afterwards.

Really?

Great!

So they commission Oscar to

do a clock tower for a mall.

And what does he propose?

An eight-storey penis.

- Gorgeous. Congratulations.

- Thank you.

- An eight-storey penis?

- In a little town in Kansas.

Imagine these farmers

driving to church...

past this giant erection!

Darling!

- How are you?

- Thanks for coming.

- A pleasure.

- I'm in trouble.

Congratulations. Lee Simon.

This is amazing.

- Why in trouble?

- They don't get it.

I hate to think about it. Either

you get my work or you don't.

But don't buy my f***ing

paintings to be "in".

Only if you have to

have a "Bruce Bishop".

It's all about image.

- One hundred per cent.

- Calm down.

But he's right.

- Bruce, calm down.

- We should go.

- He's upset.

- I know. We should go.

Wait. Are you a Libra?

- I'm Sagittarius.

- That's why you're impatient.

I'm attracted to Sagittarians,

but they're so impatient.

- Excuse me, would you sign this?

- Of course.

I use your exercise tape.

- You do?

- So do I.

But I exercise to it.

I can see. You look great.

- We should...

- Thank you.

- Let's go somewhere quiet.

- You really want to do that?

- How are you?

- You look gorgeous!

I'll get my drink.

I'll be right back.

You're so quiet.

I was thinking that...

you're the most

beautiful creature...

I've ever seen.

Every curve in your body...

fulfils its promise. If the

universe has any meaning...

I'm looking at it.

- You're sweet.

- And you're perfect.

Do you have any flaws?

Physically?

Any kind. You're

a miracle.

I don't usually

drool in my salad.

I'm not usually like this.

I'm polymorphously

perverse.

It's not a flaw.

Just a weakness.

Polymorphously perverse,

meaning...?

That every part

of my body...

gives me sexual pleasure.

Meaning?

Meaning every part of me

gives me erotic pleasure.

And how...?

Sensitive is that?

If you touch my thighs,

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