The Break-Up Artist Page #4

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And, you know,

it's not you.

No, actually, it is you.

When Britney said you were

so ugly even Bill Clinton...

wouldn't sleep with you,

she was just breaking the ice.

She said, "Save your breath because you'll

need it to blow up your next girlfriend"?

No. No, no, I am not laughing, sir.

It's just--

Come on. It is funny.

Hello? Hello, sir?

What the hell, Brit?

You're supposed to be a quick

and merciless ninja love assassin.

Instead, you're Dr. Phil-ing

everyone's relationships.

Relax. I'm on top of it.

This other break-up service is

stealing our clients and, well,

business is slower than

Tiffany taking the S.A.T.'s.

Hey. Sometimes things

can be true and false.

- Plus, these bills are just starting to--

- Hold that thought, okay?

What? No, I'm sorry.

I'll be there in five.

I'll see you guys tomorrow.

I asked if I could use the bathroom an

hour ago. I'm still holding that thought.

Go pee, sweetie.

We even owe

the Arrowhead water guy.

Ohh. Hi!

Are you stuck in a bad relationship

that you want to get out of?

Yes. For 27 years. But that's not

why I'm here.

I'm Bob Green. I'm Britney's account

manager at Second Pacific Bank.

I'm here regarding her

last few mortgage payments.

What about them?

She hasn't made any.

Rick? Hello?

I never believed in love

at first sight...

until I saw you.

You deserve that storybook movie

romance that you've always wanted,

and I want to be

your leading man.

I know I came on too strong,

but I can't help it.

There's just something

about you, Britney Brooks.

I wish I could quit you.

No, don't quit me.

Let's make

our own romantic movie.

Wait. I think I have

onion breath.

Frankly, my dear,

I don't give a damn.

- Britney? Britney Brooks?

- Hmm?

Sorry. Chuck Charleston.

I work with Rick.

Oh.

- He has pictures of you everywhere...

and I just totally recognized you.

No way. I'm actually

meeting him here. Sit.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, Rick raves about you, about how

close you've become in such a short time.

Yeah.

And it scares him.

That's why he feels it's best

to just nip it in the bud now.

What? Uh-- I'm sorry.

- Yeah.

Why, uh-- Why would he

tell you and not--

Yeah.

Yeah.

Are you breaking up with me?

Well, it's nothing personal.

It's what I do.

Chuck Charleston,

break-up specialist. No?

Okay.

You used the "nip it

in the bud" speech?

That's mine. I invented it.

It is copy--

You are in a lot

of trouble, mister.

Wait. Look, it's not him.

It's--

No, wait. It's not him--

Careful!

That's pumpernickel!

All right. Beat it, chuckles.

Evidence. Evidence.

Sorry about that, Brit.

Chuck's just a trainee in our business.

Our business?

Yeah.

You're the other

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