The Big Sick Page #3

Um, yeah, the kids

called me Beetlejuice.

I don't know why.

Actually, I do know why.

It's because they thought

I looked like Beetlejuice.

I think I'm done

with this subject.

In fact,

I think I'm gonna go home.

Wait, wait.

We haven't even

had sex again yet.

Yeah, I'm just not

that kind of girl.

I only have sex once

on the first date.

- Wow.

- Plus a hand job.

Okay, well,

I haven't had that, so...

You don't get that

because you made fun of me.

What is happening?

What are you doing?

I'm changing under this blanket.

I've seen everything.

Do you remember?

We were just having sex.

Yeah, but we were,

like, in the throes of passion

then, and...

Listen, I had

a really nice time.

Thank you very much.

I'm just gonna, like,

call an Uber, go home,

and I hope...

- Just...

Your driver will be ready as

soon as he puts on his pants.

Were you available for rides

while we were f***ing?

Yeah, but I only looked

a couple times.

So, maybe I'll, uh, run

into you at the club sometime

and we can grab a drink?

Um, I'm not...

I know this sounds like a line,

but I'm not really, like,

I'm not really dating right now.

I just... I've got a lot

of school and work and...

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- There's just a lot on my plate.

Yeah, no, I get it. Totally.

That's perfect 'cause I'm not...

Dating right now, either.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

And I actually have

a pretty strict two-day rule

where I can't see someone

more than two days in a row.

So, since we hung out

for two days,

even if I were to see you again,

which I won't 'cause

you're not dating,

I'm not dating,

I wouldn't be able

to see you till Monday.

We haven't hung out

for two days.

We've hung out

for about five hours.

- Yeah, but... -Just to,

like, be totally clear.

Yesterday and today

'cause it's after midnight.

So, today is actually tomorrow,

earlier tonight was yesterday,

so two days.

You see,

I don't date time nerds,

so that really takes you

off the table.

That works out

'cause I-i am

a hard-core time nerd.

- Yeah, I can tell.

- I'm, like, very strict

about a.M./p.M. Stuff and...

So, wait, so just to establish,

what did we decide?

We decided we aren't ever

gonna see each other again.

Great.

I'm glad we're on the same page.

Look at my jeans, Kumi.

They're from

citizens of humanity.

- That's the brand's name.

- Oh.

They're so soft. Touch them.

I don't want

to touch your jeans.

They're like sweatpants,

you know.

Come on, touch them.

- I'll touch them, Abbu.

You should be stylish

like your father, you know.

It's not very difficult.

Just observe me.

- Get some daddy style.

- Yeah.

Kumi, why don't you

grow a beard?

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