The Big Sick Page #4

- Not like Naveed's, just a small one.

- Yeah.

Maybe like mine,

small, cool and stylish.

You know, why you don't

enroll for LSAT now?

Kumi, I've been thinking.

Yeah, sorry, ma,

I haven't done it yet.

I like that you bring it up

as if you've never

brought it up before.

How's the stand-up coming, bhai?

It's going fine. Thank you.

Yeah, since when

are you someone to stand up?

You know who I think

should stand up is Malala.

- She has something to say.

- Malala, yeah.

- Ooh, I love Malala. -She has

something to say. -Malala.

- Malala.

- She's... -Yes.

I know. She does open mics

and she crushes.

A lot of ethnic material,

which I think is a crutch,

and that one story gets

a lot of play, but...

- You should be on that show

Saturday night live. -Snl.

That's a great idea.

I should e-mail them.

I don't know why

I hadn't thought of that.

You know, you know, I-i hacked

into your cousin Rehan's

Facebook account.

- You hacked into it?

- Oh.

Yeah, they were not accepting

my friends request,

- so I had to hack into it,

- okay.

And I discovered that he

and that white woman

that he's living with

are having a baby.

- They're married.

- Yeah, whatever.

And then I hacked into Tumblr

and I discovered that

they have named the baby Da-v.

- Can you imagine?

- Dave.

- Dave? -Dave.

- It's probably Dave.

- Oh, oh, d-d-Dave, Dave.

- Nobody's name is da-v.

- It's very, very, very sad.

No one is going to visit

that baby and that baby,

mark my words,

will grow up without a family.

It's like he's dead or worse.

It is very sad. Kumi.

- Go and pray now so then we

can eat ice cream. Go. -What?

- Go. Please, go. -Yeah, yeah,

ma, I just need to finish.

Hurry up, bhai. Ice cream.

And then we'll eat ice cream.

Stop, stop.

Janamaz is downstairs. Go.

- Go.

- Stop.

What is this?

- I don't know, I think... -My

mother used to make best kulfi.

- You-you... your grandmother.

- Oh, yeah?

I think ice cream

is better than kulfi.

- Thank you.

- No, no, no.

- Oh. I wonder who that could be.

- Yeah.

Let me check. I don't know.

I'm guessing it's a young,

single Pakistani woman

who just happened

to be driving by our house,

which is on a cul-de-sac.

- Well...

- And I'm also guessing

that the phrase, "dropped in"

will be said

in the next ten seconds.

- Ten.

- Ten. Nine.

- Eight. Seven.

- Eight. Seven.

- Quiet.

- Everyone...

This is Zubeida.

- She just dropped in.

- Salaam.

Wa alaikum as-salaam.

- Come, please. Sit.

- Mm.

Oh, here, Kumail,

for your files...

Thank you.

- Your x-files because...

- Thank you.

That's your favorite show, huh?

Thank you so much.

"The truth is out there."

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