Sex Tape Page #3

I've heard so much about you.

- Please, sit down.

- Thank you.

Can I get you anything? Coffee?

Finger sandwich? Sliced pineapple?

No, no. I'm fine

with just water. Thanks.

Well, I just wanna stick

my head in and say hi

and to tell you that I'm a

big fan of what you do.

Thanks. That's really nice to hear.

We think you have brand potential.

The model Piper Brothers mother.

We really believe in you.

And I always say that belief is

the only metric that matters.

We didn't bring you here to wow

you with incredible numbers

because numbers are really just an

algorithm for passion and values.

It's like I was telling

my wife, Schlomit,

I think I found the voice

of Piper Brothers' values.

Thanks!

Are you sure we can't get you a finger

sandwich or a slice of pineapple?

I'm okay.

There are certain content

guidelines we'd like to discuss.

- How do you mean?

- Little things.

"Do you remember the first time

your husband saw you naked?"

Right.

"The erections? Do you

remember the erections?"

- No, I remember that part.

- "Erections everywhere."

That's an unusual post for me.

It's a great post. I enjoyed it.

But what we're looking for from you

is your authentic, wholesome voice.

It's the kind of content that Piper

Brothers mothers are so hungry for.

Look, I love being a mother.

And I love writing about it.

Well, we will make you

a meaningful proposal.

And we're very excited.

Should we have some pineapple?

We can have someone

get you some pineapple.

Band's coming to the Los

Angeles area tomorrow.

Meantime, here's the new single.

It's called Spank Me.

I swear to you, man.

I think I am in love with this girl.

- Max, that's big news.

- Yeah.

It's, like, we... I don't know.

We just connect.

Like, we have these really long, like,

super intense conversations. You know?

About religion, and snowboarding.

And then, like, out of nowhere,

she'll just text me her b*obs.

She just texted you a picture

of her b*obs out of the blue?

Oh, buddy. Good for you.

- Enjoy this time.

- Thank you, dude.

- That's amazing.

- Yeah.

I once sent Annie a

picture of my dick.

She was at a PTA meeting.

It was horrible.

- Did you go full dick?

- Yeah. I...

For a man, I feel like it's dick or...

That's kind of your only option.

Yeah, I avoid my dick.

I usually just do, like,

you know, the sexier parts of me.

Like, part bag, part leg.

You know? I'll go undercarriage. So...

I'll have my friend, Doug, come over

and we'll just knock it out real fast.

Your friend comes over and

takes a picture of your balls?

Yeah. Yeah. You know Doug, right?

- Your neighbor?

- Yeah.

He's actually a really

good photographer.

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