Sex Drive Page #4

Those guys are total nards.

They never get anywhere.

That's just 'cause they don't know

how to close.

But they're ability to open

is f***ing heroic.

-Do you wear thong underpants?

-Do you want us to take our shirts off?

-What color bra are you wearing?

-Is your mom hot, too?

Are you into me?

-Where do you live?

-What color car do you have?

-Where do you live?

-What's your address?

-Do you want us to come over?

-Do you like pizza?

We've been to a motel.

-F*** off, donut.

-Rex, it's me.

What the f*** is this all about?

I broke the key off of our locker.

I couldn't get my clothes out.

Stow that sh*t in the trunk.

Christ, you look like a Mexican butt-hole.

REX:
(LAUGHING) You suck.

Becca? Hey.

Wow, I didn't know

that you were coming over.

Cool. I didn't even know

that you knew where I lived. I mean...

-Yeah, I do.

-Yeah.

-So...

-Oh! It's a funny story. I broke...

I broke my key off

and Ron let me borrow the...

Anyway, so this is great.

You changed your mind.

Now, the party, it doesn't start

-for a few hours.

-Actually, I was wondering if Dylan's here.

-Dylan?

-Yeah. Is he here?

-My 14-year-old brother Dylan?

-Yeah.

-DYLAN:
Nice underpants, Ian.

-Snap! Dang, that was funny.

You know he's 14, right?

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Laura, Cindy, this sh*t is totally gratuitous.

I love it.

(COUGHING)

-Hey, congrats. Good to see you.

-Hey.

Is this the plan?

Ian, dude, there's like 80 wet chicks here.

Get off your wallflower ass.

-Are you smoking cigars now?

-Yes.

-Hey, Lance. Tight party.

-Okay, rude.

You can see

I'm having a conversation here.

Now, I'll be with you

in a few minutes, okay?

-Thank you.

-We're sorry.

-Don't apologize to her.

-I'm sorry.

Don't apologize to me.

(SCOFFS)

Hey, I'm gonna go see

who Felicia's talking to.

No, dude, forget Felicia, okay?

I know you guys are BFF and all that sh*t,

but tonight's about getting that dick

a little daylight.

Hey, Lindsay, sweetheart,

where you going?

Come here, we're not done. Get in here.

-You know my boy Ian?

-Yeah. No. I don't know.

-You used to be on my paper route.

-Okay, sure. My mom likes you.

F***ing A your mom likes Ian. Look at him.

He's a big, bright crimson king. Right?

You know what else?

Ian is a bust-ass virgin.

(SPLUTTERS)

I'm so sorry.

Don't let that deter you from f***ing him.

(GIGGLING)

Yeah. No, I'm pretty stoked.

I got into the University of Wisconsin,

and I'm gonna go for veterinary medicine,

'cause that's where...

-Are you gonna go to college?

-University of Boulder.

It's a great party school.

You know, I read that they have

a really great astronomy program.

I don't know if that's

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