Sex Drive Page #3

All right. Let me give you some advice,

Lance, all right?

Don't ever get married.

Just an endless parade of horseshit.

And whatever you do, man,

always wear a rubber. Christ.

Nice. Always classy.

Hey, come on, Lance, I didn't mean it like...

Come on, dawg.

Hey, sir. I've got something yummy

for your little girl.

(SCREAMING)

Oh, my God. Excuse me! Sorry!

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

-Ian? Oh, my God, dude, what happened?

-IAN:
I don't know.

Is there a cock and balls

on the front of me again?

-Like a little tree trunk.

-IAN:
Thank you.

Oh, my God.

-Whoa. You look pretty.

-God, shut up, Ian!

What? I'm just saying,

you usually dress so... You look nice.

Ian, why do you got to work the mouth

when you talk to us?

-Yeah, Ian.

-Sorry, it's a... It's a habit.

Hey, that girl you work with, Becca,

you gonna bring her to my party tonight?

-Yeah, I asked her. She said no.

-Good. Dude, she's totally wrong for you.

That's what you say about everyone.

She made you wear

the f***ing costume again, right?

-You know, I don't mind...

-Dude, if you told her to f*** off,

she'd be two knuckles deep right now

daydreaming about your big black cock.

Ian, do not listen to him.

Okay, girls want a nice guy

who's gonna treat them well.

-Really?

-Yes. Really.

Look, all I'm saying is

everybody wants a challenge.

-Everybody wants...

-What they can't get. I know, I got it.

Do you get it? 'Cause I mean, it feels like

I'm teaching you to walk sometimes.

-That sh*t does not work.

-It works on you.

No, it doesn't.

Felicia!

Balls! I got to go.

Evil cousin's spending the weekend.

-Pretty cousin?

-Ian, she's the anti-Christ.

-She's still super hot.

-F*** you, too. See you.

So what happened with Becca?

You been doing like I told you,

being a dick?

Yeah, kind of. Being kind of a dick.

I'd say... No, not really.

I mean, you know,

I've sort of been practicing

your whole being-a-dick thing

with this girl I met online.

-And I get it, but I just...

-Thanks.

I don't think I could do that for real.

Dude, sure you can.

I believe in you, you know.

You just got to stop worrying

about being the good guy all the time.

I mean, okay,

look at Andy and Randy over there.

You think they care

what women think about them?

They could give a f***.

-What's up? What's up?

-What's up, what's up?

Hi. I'm collecting for

the underprivileged children of Ecuador.

-Would you like to help?

-Not really.

-We don't have any money.

-No jobs.

You wanna party?

Um... I'm kind of working right now.

-When are you done?

-Yeah, what are you doing after?

I have a church thing tonight.

-Kick ass, we'll come.

-Yeah, where is it?

Is there gonna be

more hot snatch like you there?

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