Sex And Death 101 Page #3

Reinvent the tater tot! Make a lot

of money! Have another kid.

- Say, "Thanks, Zack."

- Okay. Thanks, Zack.

- Mm-hmm.

- Maybe you're right.

Yo! Groom.

- Grand finale.

- [men whooping]

Don't worry.

Lester's paid for it.

[loud yammering]

Yikes.

How's that for

ham radio, buddy?

- [drunken laughter]

- Yeah!

- [Precious giggling] Oh, yeah! Yeah!

- [door knobs jostling]

- [Rod moans]

- [Precious] Give it to me, big boy!

[Roderick]

Oh, that's the way you like it?

Oh, yeah! Harder!

[giggling]

This is my oldest. He's four.

- F*** me!

- This is your oldest?

Wow. He's a good-looking kid.

He's gonna break a lot of hearts.

- Yes! Yes!

- [giggles]

- Yes!

- Goddammit! Harder!

So are you planning on

having kids with your wife?

Well, definitely. Yeah.

But you know, right now, we can't even

agree on what kind of dog to--

Whoa! Precious,

I told you I don't want

- to cross the line of--

- [unzips]

- Whoa!

- [opens condom packet]

- Oh, gosh.

- [both laugh]

I'm so sorry.

I honestly thought

you were kidding about

all that "men can be feminists, too" stuff.

Can you blame me for the confusion?

Well, just because I'm giving you

a standing ovation, my darling,

doesn't mean that we

have to, you know-- I--

- I think we better--

- Got it.

That's what I'm talking about.

Doin' it--

Hey, I don't want you to take

any of this personally.

I just-- you know.

Goddamn, what kind

of condom is this?

Your fiance is lucky.

She's got one of the good ones.

I wish I was more into

successful white dudes,

but, um--

[giggles]

two broke Latin husbands, and--

Jesus, stop me.

[laughs]

Anyway, man, gracias.

Seriously.

Gracias?

Um, Precious, your real name

wouldn't happen to be Carlotta...

- [squish]

- [gasps] Valdes?

How did y--

Who told you that?

Um, I think your bodyguard

might have mentioned it.

Like that a**hole

knows my real name.

So, you staying back there, or...

[softly]

Why is it so quiet in there?

- [Roderick narrating] Carlotta Valdes.

- [chair squeaking]

Number 30.

This was more than

a bachelor party trick,

more than a loyalty test.

This was sex.

And I had a print-out.

I was in the throes of

a sacrilegious epiphany,

in possession of

a magical document

that promised

an embarrassment of b*tches.

And yet, did it

void my earlier,

rather impassioned soliloquy

about how it's time?

To settle down?

To marry Fiona?

Right then, I nobly revowed

my eternal resistance

to other women.

Remember how freaked out you were

when you first noticed

the centerfold was

younger than you?

Ah, yes, the...

central trauma of

every American male.

Look at this baby.

- And I mean baby.

- [sirens]

Born in 1984. 1984.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes