Sex And Death 101 Page #4

My life was, like, done by '84.

- What are her turn-ons?

- Mmm....

Pudding, air hockey,

and pudding.

[sputters]

Bimbo said "pudding" twice.

[snickers]

I do like air hockey.

"Cynthia Rose is

looking for a man

who's confident, successful,

with a nice set of abs."

Well, zero out of three ain't bad.

What did you say her name was?

[turning pages]

Cynthia Rose.

Nice.

Oh...

[chuckles]

Thank you.

Dude, you're not

gonna buy the issue?

[footsteps]

You look like a Carl.

Can I call you Carl?

You talking to me?

You ever fantasize

about escaping, Carl?

Escaping this land,

this magical land

of the newsstand,

where all the girls

are right about

to pull off their panties,

but they never quite do.

Must be kind of frustrating.

Look, if you don't like

the merchandise, babe,

pssht!

Found this on

your dashboard.

It's a unique color.

Kinda like the one

the Parkside Peeper wears.

Wait. Uh...

[sighs heavily]

Look, I have a disease.

- Okay?

- Okay.

And you could say that

I, too, am a victim,

- because--

- Hey! No. Carl.

Don't get me wrong.

I think it's kinda hot.

I mean, how would I know

you were watching

if I wasn't watching you?

Wha-- You've been

peeping on me peeping?

Mm-hmm.

Oh. That is hot.

Wait, I c--

I can't tell if you're playing

some feminazi mindfuck game on me

or if you're really trying to seduce me.

Well, Carl, why don't we go back

to my hotel and find out?

P*ssy is da' bomb. No?

This is a joke, right?

Ten seconds on

the shot clock, Kobe.

- Come on! I--

- [chuckles]

- This stuff only happens in the movies--

- Five--

I'm the only one

working this shift, I--

Get out of here.

Are you gay?

Are you impotent?

Or are you just chicken?

Honey?

Sweetie, look.

Your tuxedo.

- Rod?

- [Rod narrating] Perhaps it wasn't

time after all.

Don't worry, I didn't cancel

the wedding or anything.

I'm not an a**hole.

I needed to figure things out.

Of course, I didn't

bring up number 31,

Cynthia "Miss April" Rose.

I stuck to the basics.

"It's not you, it's me."

"I don't want to get married

just to get married."

I think I even threw in

a "things have been crazy at work."

Fiona took it well... too well.

I think my sweetie has

a little case of cold feet.

You're nervous.

I'd be scared if you weren't.

It's more than that, Fi.

I said, I think my sweetie

has a little case of cold feet.

You're nervous.

I'd be scared if you weren't.

I'm being honest.

We're getting married

in 11 days, Roderick.

We are past the point of honesty.

We have a goddamn church booked.

Deposits...

orchids.

And you drop this

on me right now

before I'm about

to get on a plane

to go away with the girls

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