Pauly Shore Is Dead Page #5

- [ Crickets Chirping ]|- [ Dog Howling ]

[ Man On TV]|I believe he's upset.

Pauly is supposed to follow|Married... with Children.

- It says so right here.|- I know that, Bucky.

Then what's|this submoronic crap?

[ Man On TV]|I don't think he's happy.

Them goddamn|Hollywood know-it-alls.

Them numb-nuts wouldn't know|comic genius if it bit 'em in the ass.

When Animals Attack.|Hell, who wants to watch that sh*t?

If I wanted to watch that,|I'd throw a pork chop in the yard...

and watch the dogs go at it.

- Hell!|- [ TVShuts Off]

This is my darkest hour|of television viewing.

This is worse than|when they replaced Bo and Luke.

I need to laugh!|I need the Weasel!

[ Crying ] I need the Weasel,|and I need him now.

We could watch Son in Law...|again.

I want my Weasel,|and I want him now!

- Hey!|- [ Tires screeching ]

- [ sighs ]

Jesus Christ, Pauly!|How many times do I have to tell you?

slow down around|that f***ing corner!

I'm sorry, man.|I forgot you're my neighbor.

Hey, Vern, let me|ask you a question.

Who takes a bigger sh*t, huh?|You or your dog?

Depends on who's seen|Bio-Dome last.

- [ Both Laughing ]|- I got ya! I got ya!

[ Mock Groan, Grunting ]

- so, hey, how you been?|- Good. Things couldn't be better.

Hey, you got the big opening comin'.|Austin Powers.

shagadelic, baby!|Oh, behave! Oh, behave!

Like I've never|heard that before.

- Hey, so is Mike pretty cool? Mike Myers.|- Yeah. He's an awesome guy.

- Yeah? He does a lot of movies?|- shitload.

You think there's|any parts in there for me?

Vern. Do you think there's|any parts in his movies for me?

I'll talk to him.|I'll see what I can do.

- [ Engine starts ]|- Come on. Hook up a boy. I'm your neighbor, bro.

- I'll see what I can do.|- Okay. sorry about the corner thing.

Don't worry about it.Just slow down|around those corners, speed Racer.

- Later.|- Come on, Butch.

so, how are you doing, Pauly?

I'm good.

Um, after reviewing|your money accounts...

and realizing that you're not making|as much as you used to...

I think it would be best|if you immediately sold your house.

[ Hyperventilating ] Oh, God!|I knew you were gonna say that.

I just knew it driving over here.|I knew you were gonna say that.

Jesus, Pauly, why didn't you|save your money?

- Why didn't you tell me to save my money?|- Listen.

My job at this firm|is to advise you in investments.

At the end of the day, it's your money|and you spend it how you want.

And you have spent it|like I have never seen before.

$5,000 a month|on ''young, shaved boys.''

- What? Huh?|- Oh, I'm sorry.

I've got Elton John's stuff|mixed in with yours.

But-- Yeah, here we go.

$3,000 a month|on swedish escorts.

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