Not Cool Page #4

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If you're thinking

of Cornell,

You can always

come visit with me.

My dorm is super cool.

We have a swimming turtle

named randy.

So, pretty f***ing awesome.

Cornell?

Not with the "C" I have

in Mr. Draper's class.

Draper the raper?

Thought he'd give you

an a-Plus with those titties.

I mean, god damn.

Thanks?

Does he still schedule

that stupid midterm

For the day

after thanksgiving break?

Yup.

Turns out he's not only a perv,

He's also a fascist.

You know, I could help you.

I mean, I aced...

I aced draper's class.

I knocked that midterm

out of the park.

I remember he actually

said to me, and I quote,

"You made that midterm

your b*tch."

Or, no... Or he said,

"you did a good job."

But he meant it, so...

I mean, don't worry.

No charge.

Just two study buddies

doing what they do,

Shooting the sh*t.

Whip out a highlighter or two,

Make some marks

on those textbooks.

I don't give a f***

what the librarian says.

Okay, what the hell.

Seriously?

- Mm-Hmm.

- Okay.

Yeah, yes.

So you will not regret this.

I promise.

How is 8:
00 on Friday?

Sounds good.

Good, I think so too, yeah.

Okay.

Bye.

I love you, so much.

This is the first time

I've drank in, like, ever.

But I feel totally fine.

Yeah, no, you look

totally great,

Not at all like a rhino

Who's been shot

with a tranquilizer gun.

Uh-Oh.

I think the f***ing

tikka masala sh*t's

Gonna come back up.

Whew, I feel so much better now.

Want to hook up?

She said yes.

Move, f***ers.

She said yes, she said yes,

she said yes.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

So I'm gonna go now.

Hey, motherfuck,

Did you not hear me?

She said yes.

Oh, my god,

that is so exciting.

Hey, at what point

in this conversation

Are we going to acknowledge

that I'm covered in vomit?

What am I gonna wear?

Should I wear a suit?

Maybe one of those

sexy-Ass tight vests

With, like, a dragon on it

for no f***ing reason.

And she's like, "what's that?"

And I'm like,

don't worry about it.

But I don't know

where to take her for dinner,

Because I obviously want

to take her somewhere nice,

But I don't want

to freak her out.

There's about ten

different restaurants

Up in that girl's vomit,

So you can take your pick.

Text me.

Suck a dick.

No.

Sh*t, look, I'm sorry,

But you came out of nowhere.

Scott?

Do I know you?

We went to

high school together.

And middle school,

And elementary.

Tori the whorie?

And we're back.

Wow.

You look kind of good now.

You know, that nickname

Might not even be

that ironic anymore.

Charming, okay.

Well, you're not dead,

so I'm gonna go.

But this has been so fun.

Thank you.

Ugh.

F***.

Can I get a ride?

So you know this is

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