
Not Cool
The beat takes
then I start rockin'
The beat takes
Ah!
The beat takes
then I start rockin'
The beat takes
Go, go
So what you know about that
I make the party crack
Who doesn't love
thanksgiving break?
Me, Tori Gillespie.
Or, as everyone in high school
used to call me...
Whorie, whorie, whorie!
That nickname was meant
to be ironic, by the way,
Although I did have sex
with a zucchini once,
So I guess that was
kind of slutty.
Needless to say,
But here's the thing
about high school:
It ends.
And you get to go to college,
Where no one knows that you
were a bed-Wetter till 14,
Or that you broke your own hymen
with a baby carrot.
Only problem is,
when the holidays roll around,
You still have to go home.
Hi!
I missed you so much.
The Alleghany
railroad authority
Welcomes you to Pittsburgh.
Your train from New York...
I texted you
on my new phone!
Look at my sign!
Want to switch lives?
I'd rather eat my own shit.
And I do!
This is shit up in here.
And yet I'm still
jealous of you.
Where is she?
Yay!
I'm so happy you're home.
Yep, it's still you!
Unfortunately.
I can't wait
to stay up all night
Gossiping about
northwestern boys.
Or girls.
We don't judge.
Just don't talk details.
It gives your mother nightmares.
Nightmares,
it gives me nightmares.
Also, I have some huge news.
Oh, what, my train crashed and
I'm actually in hell right now?
Gil and I are getting married!
Ah!
Are you looking at it?
Yeah, I'm looking at it.
Is it beautiful?
Shit, this is why I'm glad
my family dead.
Ah!
Scott!
Scott!
Fucking look at me!
Ow!
Oh, I missed you
so much, boo.
I don't know,
somewhere a little more private?
Ugh!
You are a fucking genius!
Ah!
I was actually thinking
maybe more like my place.
Shh, public sex
is way in right now.
It's the second most searched
term on youporn,
Right under
"brother sister stuff."
Shit!
Here, hold my invisalign.
Oh, my god.
It's a glory hole.
I've only seen these
in gay porn!
Why are you watching
gay porn?
Wee!
Who are you,
fucking spider-Man?
Gimme your dick!
Uh, I don't know
if I really want to.
You oddly resemble
The Alice in wonderland cat
right now.
Ugh, stop being such a pussy,
And give me your dick.
It's like the wall's
eating my penis.
What the hell is wrong
with these people?
I know.
Some motherfuckers
are so disgusting.
Oh, dear god.
Oh, here it comes.
Are you crying?
I'm sorry.
I didn't know how hard
this was gonna be.
Oh.
Well, do you want
to just, like...
parkour back over
and finish me off in here?
No, no.
to be a wall between us
When I said this.
What are you...
What are you trying to say?
I'm sorry, Scott.
It's over.
What?
Okay, like, this is
super awkward, but...
could you put my invisalign
back in?
Seewell high school wishes you
a happy thanksgiving break.
Be good people.
Make good choices.
And I was like,
"that's the last time
I'm ever having sex
with the cafeteria lady again."
Bye, gross,
stupid fucking bitch!
Kidding.
Not really.
Janie, is that you?
Joel.
What are you doing here?
Huh, nothing much.
Just visiting
the old stomping grounds.
So are the rumors true?
I hear you've turned into
quite the pimp at Cornell.
You follow my tumblr?
No.
Well, you should.
I post a lot of blogs
About my wild adventures,
Or, as I titled them,
"Assventures."
So...
that sounds kind of gay.
I disagree.
Well, welcome home, Joel.
I'll see you around.
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Not Cool" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 16 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/not_cool_14965>.