Not Cool Page #5

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a really bad idea, right?

It says the party is

only one mile from here.

Oh, fantastic,

I'm glad there's an app

That can make stalking

more efficient.

I'm not stalking, okay?

I'm merely using technology

to help me locate someone

Who doesn't want to talk to me

at the moment.

Which is stalking.

Mm-Hmm.

Ooh, make that left.

You do realize that

you're pathetic, right?

You do realize that

you're covered in vomit, right?

Besides, heather's

gonna take me back.

Oh, fantastic, so not only

are you a stalker,

But you're a misogynist too.

And I'm a romantic.

Ho-Ho, and why would

heather take you back?

'Cause I think she's

made it perfectly clear

That she wants nothing

to do with you.

She just needs

some time to think

And, you know, reevaluate.

She'll be fine.

Oh, wow.

Because obviously she must be

in a weird mental place

To dump you, Mr. Perfect

with the amazing hair.

Think I have amazing hair?

Oh, my god,

you know you're attractive.

It's annoying.

Wow, amazing hair

and I'm attractive?

Yeah, here I go.

Wait a minute.

Are you into me?

No, god,

I'm not into you.

I mean, would I have sex

with you?

Yeah, probably, but that does

not mean that I'm into you.

You'd have sex with me?

Wow, I mean, I'm not surprised.

I'm just surprised

that you actually admitted that.

Oh, my god, it's 2014.

Women should be able

to openly talk about sex.

I mean, I know

what year it is.

I'm just saying...

Okay, here's the thing,

prom king.

Women think about sex

all the time,

Including your precious,

wonderful heather.

So if she wanted you

in her bed,

You wouldn't be in this car

with me right now.

And that is a fact.

Oh, wait,

hold on one second,

Because I really want

to film this,

Because fail videos

always go viral.

Go on.

Yeah, I don't know.

Maybe now isn't the best time.

Oh, no, come on, Scott.

The internet wants to see you

Get kicked in the balls

really bad.

Why are you so mean?

I'm mean?

Wow, that's a double standard.

I recall it going a little bit

differently in high school.

Maybe nobody has told you

that high school is over.

That big ceremony thing

that we all did,

That was graduation,

Where we all move on

And we all do different things.

You don't stay here

and be like,

"Oh, I was prom king; I'm cool,

So that means

I'm cool forever."

Nobody gives a sh*t.

So maybe it's time

that you try something new.

Try something

a little bit different,

'Cause obviously this whole...

Wait, wait.

I don't have

any condoms on me.

Who are you?

Tori the whorie.

Oh, yeah,

I came up with that name.

Yeah, you're an a**hole.

Tori the whorie

is back, b*tch!

Okay, first of all,

She never existed.

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