Not Cool Page #3

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Visit my stupid,

dying grandparents

In Arizona for Christmas.

Boring.

Then I'm hitting up Cancun

with the p*ssy posse

For spring break.

I'm sorry, what the f***

did you just say?

P*ssy posse?

Oh, it's my Cornell boys.

Oh, that's so cute.

You know, if you ever

use that nickname again,

I'm gonna punch you

in the penis.

Okay, you're being

very aggressive.

Just hear me out.

This is my last shot

Before she is

out of my life forever.

Okay, um, look,

I'm gonna try really,

really hard

Not to be a dick here,

Because I can tell you're, like,

Really sensitive

and everything.

She was not into you

in high school.

She's not into you now.

And she's never

gonna be into you.

But I just... You know, I feel

like it's time we move on.

Okay.

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

You're right.

Sh*t, you, like...

You handled that really well.

Psych, no,

I'm f***ing with you.

She's totally gonna

sit on my face later, like...

wow, that's really not

how that goes down at all,

So it's clear

you've never done that.

Yes, I have, I've eaten out,

like, 17 pussies.

Or 23.

I don't know.

I know it's a prime number.

God, please stop doing that.

Did you spit?

- Yes.

- That's disgusting.

- A little bit.

- Don't spit.

Where did the straw come from?

My backpack.

You have a f***ing backpack?

Yes, I have a backpack.

It's an adventure.

It's like a hike.

Ugh!

This party is lame.

I've only been roofied and

fingered, like, twice tonight.

I mean, what is this,

a bar mitzvah?

Let's hit up that party

on oak street.

I heard ethyl's gonna be there!

Ew, is that your grandma?

No offense,

but last time I saw her,

She pretended to trip and

grabbed my cooch for balance.

My dad is always tripping.

No, you stupid f***ing dumb

Ecuadorian b*tch!

Ethyl's that new hybrid drug

Everybody's been

blah-blah-ing about.

It's molly mixed

with old people medicine.

It's supposed to be totes Cray.

Well, anyone who would do that

is totes retar.

Holy Zachary Quinto's

eyebrows!

She's learning!

No, seriously, though,

Haven't we been doing

too many drugs lately?

You totally had me, b*tch!

Oh, holy sh*t,

that's my f***ing jam!

Mandy, hold my legs.

Yeah.

Ah, I think I queefed.

Stop looking at my ass,

you whore.

Photo bomb!

Sh*t, I'm sorry.

F***, let me help you.

I'll fix it.

Let me help you dry it off.

I'll dry it off.

I highly advise you

Not to touch any

of the hand towels, okay?

I got it from here.

Right.

More toilet paper.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

There you go.

It's not creepy at all.

Huh?

Oh, yeah, my bad.

Sorry.

So...

have you started

applying to schools yet?

A few.

I don't know

where I want to go yet.

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