Miss March Page #4

And... wake up.!

I knew it! I knew it would work.

- What the f*** is wrong with you, man?

- You're alive. Whoa!

What the f*** is going on?

- You probably can't move yet. You have atrophy.

- Why can't I move?

Why can't I move and hurt you?

Because you haven't used your body in,

like, four years. You gotta take it easy.

Tucker, what's happening? Why am I here?

You fell down the stairs after prom

and were in a coma for four years.

Then I saved your life,

because I'm a genius.

You! I told you no hit mister with the bat.

Juanita, I brought him back to life.

- I told you the bat trick would work.

- policia.! Policia.!

- What the f*** is going on?

- Eugene, don't do that. You'll overexert yourself.

Oh! You're pooping!

Your body is in

an extreme state of atrophy...

but you're in surprisingly good shape for

someone who's been in a coma for four years.

You've healed from all the damage

you received in your initial fall...

so all that you'll need to recover from

is from the effects of the coma itself.

What about my face?

Yes, well, your nose was broken

by the force of the baseball bat...

and the frontal palate of your skull has

some pretty bad fractures.

But we've set most of that.

You were hit pretty hard though.

But you'll find over time...

that your muscle strength will return,

as well as bowel control.

- Until then, it's best

to avoid strenuous situations.

That's why you pooped.

Yeah.

Yeah, you did. A lot.

Lots of poop.

Like, almost four years worth of poop.

Should call you Poopy Pants.

Mr. Poopy Pants.

Sorry. Anyway, I'll let you get some rest.

I'm sure you and your friend

have some catching up to do.

- Oh, and, Tucker, off the record-

- Yeah?

I like your style.

I can't believe

I've been here for four years.

Yeah. You gotta watch

where you're walking.

It doesn't feel like four years ago.

I feel like just five seconds ago

I was getting wasted with you...

and going upstairs to have sex.

Wait a minute. How come

just you're here? Where's Cindi?

- Where's my Dad?

- Oh, his job moved him down to Florida.

What? He left me in the hospital?

Well, dude, you were a vegetable.

Besides, he still has an apartment here.

- What about Cindi?

- Oh, I don't know where she is.

- Well, give me your cell phone.

- No, I don't know where she is. She moved after graduation.

- She left me too?

- You were a vegetable.

Then how come you're still here?

'Cause we're homeys, dude. Lock it up.

I can't believe she would

just leave me like that.

She was around for a little while...

but then she got into college and it really

didn't look like you were gonna wake up.

I mean, it took me four years

to figure out the bat trick.

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