Miss March Page #3

I know a lot do.

Half of them! I'm talkin' 'bout thousands

and thousands of motherfuckers, man.

And now my sh*t is up there.

Whoo.! We celebratin;

Um, hey, Horsedick?

- Dot-MPEG!

- Dot-MPEG.

Would you mind turning the music down just

a bit? We're almost to my girlfriend's house.

You can't turn Horsedick. MPEG down.

This is my sh*t. I made this.

Hi, Cindi. Hi, Mr. And Mrs. Whitehall.

That's some ride

you've got there, Eugene.

Thank you.

- So, there won't be any drinking going on tonight, will there?

- Dad.

No, sir. Not at all.

Let me get a picture of the two of you.

Oh, Horsedick, you are nasty!

Hey, Daddy.

Come on, get in the car, baby.!

Come here, motherf***er.

- Yeah!

- Spank it!

Whoo!

I'm sorry.

I'm sure this is not as romantic

as you probably envisioned the prom.

Hey, everybody!

Denise is so wasted,

she's blowing Brian in the den.

- I'm gonna go get the keys to the master bedroom.

- Okay.

Aaah!

Okay!

- Meet me upstairs in five minutes?

- Sure.

Sure.

Dude! Where's Cindi?

- Shouldn't you be banging her out by now?

- I'm about to bang her out.

- She just went upstairs.

- Yet you look like you're going to a funeral.

Tucker, I'm just

dealing with this in my own way.

"Dealing with this"?

You're not going upstairs to have surgery.

You're going upstairs

to have sex! With a girl!

And yeah, she may not be the most attractive

girl in school, but she's a solid, solid seven.

What? She's a seven?

Look, you've already decided to do this.

So you can go and trudge through it like

it's a chore and end up hurting her feelings...

or you can go enjoy yourself and have sex.

I know, I know.

Look, most guys end up losing their virginity

to some sort of stripper or one-night stand.

You're lucky enough to have it be with a

girl that you actually love, and loves you back.

You're right. You're right.

And that means she may let you do anal.

Thank you, Tucker. That was actually-

That was oddly helpful.

All right. I'm gonna do it.

- I'm gonna do it.

- Yeah!

- I'm gonna do it now.

- All right!

- I'm gonna have sex.

- Yes, you are.

- Oh, my God, I'm nervous.

- That, too, I can help you out with.

- A little whiskey always calms the nerves.

- Cheers!

You should probably have one more

since this is your first time...

'cause you'll explode

as soon as you get it in there.

- Gotta numb the senses.

- Really? That makes sense.

- Whoo!

- I am gonna do it.

Go for it, Eugene.

But one more for good luck.

Yeah. Good luck to me for having sex!

The next time you see me, I will be a man.

Go get 'em, Eugene-Wait!

That's not the hallway!

Eugene!

Whoa. Punked.

Okay, buddy, nowjust hold still.

I have an idea.

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