Miss March Page #5

I tried to look her up

about a year or so ago...

but she dropped out after freshman year,

and the trail goes cold.

Tucker, I appreciate you

being here. L- I really do.

But I think right now

I just need to be alone for a while.

Okay, man.

I'll check on you tomorrow.

Besides, I got a date with the old lady.

Wait. You have a girlfriend?

Well, I'm not the kind of guy...

that gets chained down to one woman...

but lately I've been banging Candace.

That crazy handicapped chick?

Hey. Epilepsy, dude. It's a condition.

Plus, it's kind of hot.

She, like, vibrates.

Nice.

All right.

Okay, looking good. Looking good.

Bobby, you wanna sit up

real straight for me there?

- Sit up straight, sweetie.

- All right.

Everybody say, "Fuzzy pickles. "

Fuzzy pickles.

That was great. That was great.

I'm gonna try one more, and let me

work with Mommy for a second.

All right, let's see.

Let's brush some of this hair away

from Mommy's neck-

Bring out Mommy's pretty neck.

That's good. That's good. Okay.

Let's have a couple wisps

hang down here by the nape of the neck.

That's good. That looks great. There we go.

And here, position three-quarters

there like that. Okay? Like that.

That's good. That's good.

- Like that, and-

- Okay, okay.

- Okay, that's enough playful, pal.

- It's gonna be good.

All right, stay like that.

It's gonna be good. Okay, now

everybody say, "Mommy's a vision. "

Mommy's a vision.

Do not run away.

Hey, this is big-time stuff.

Mr. Biederman is extremely upset.

He brings his family in for a photo

and you turn that into soft-core pornography.

He's crazy. I think he does drugs.

Well, he said that you unbuttoned

his wife's shirt.

He said you handed her

your phone number as she was leaving.

- What the "H", bro? Come on!

- Some mail came for you.

Sweet. New playboy.

How many times have I told you not to

have that delivered here? About a million?

Why doesn't anybody

listen to me, ever? Jesus!

Oh, my God.

What?

Pack your bags, Eugene. I found her.

- No, no, no. You cannot be here.

- Juanita, vamonos.

- I found Cindi.

- What? Where?

Right there.

Mierda.

I can't believe Cindi would do this.

She's changed, man. She's all growed up.

The girl next door is now

one of The Girls Next Door.

Oh, my God. It says one ofher likes

is sex on the beach.

Calm down. That could just be the drink.

Tucker, do you think

that Cindi's still a virgin?

Let's see.

No, afraid not.

- Oh, my God.

- This is perfect.

How is this perfect?

This Saturday is playboy's

annual anniversary bash.

So?

So, this Saturday

all the Playmates, including Cindi...

are gonna be at the Playboy Mansion...

mingling with guests,

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