Louis C.K.: Hilarious Page #4

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"Oh, no, it's fine.

"Yeah, no,

It doesn't matter.

"No, i'll just

Leave my car there.

"It doesn't matter.

I'll just go...

"Doesn't matter...

This is weird...

Ah, f***."

And then

You're just like--

You're like the Hulk coming

back down to the other guy.

My clothes are ripped

And there's a dead guy here.

I don't know what happened.

I'm gonna get my duffle bag

And leave town again.

[Whistles]

So this is

A beautiful theater.

I like what i do,

Because i get to work

In a lot of different places.

And, uh, recently

I did a show in New Jersey

In the auditorium

of a technical High School.

I forgot that existed.

technical High School.

That's where dreams

Are narrowed down.

That's--

'Cause we tell our children,

"You can do anything you want."

Their whole lives.

"You can do anything."

But at this place,

We take kids--

Like, they're 15.

They're young.

And we tell them,

"You can do eight things.

We got it down

To eight for you."

And i'm not saying

These people are stupid.

Because i'm stupid.

I really am stupid,

And it bothers me.

Like,

I wish i was more stupid,

'Cause then it wouldn't--

I would--just all

My thoughts would just be--

[Murmuring]

But instead,

Here's how my brain works.

It's stupidity

Followed by self-hatred

And then further analysis.

It's not a very efficient

System of thought.

I have these dumb thoughts,

"Duh,"

And then i go, "what the f***

Is wrong with you?"

And then i figure it out.

But the impulse

Is always stupid.

Like, i saw this guy

In New York one day,

And he's walking his dog,

And this is what i saw.

The guy's got a--

He's got a coffee

And a dog on a leash,

And a phone.

He's on the phone.

So he's got

His phone like this,

And the dog's leash is going

From the phone hand to the dog.

And i look at this and i go,

"Oh, he's got, like,

A dog phone."

Like, that thought

Sincerely inhabited me

For, like, a full minute.

I'm going, "oh, i wonder

What the benefits are

To hooking

Your phone up to a dog."

And then the other part of me

Had to go,

"Why the f***

Would that exist?

You a**hole."

I had a string of bad--

Dumb thoughts the other day.

I was--i don't remember

What town i was in.

I was on the road.

I was just standing

In front of my hotel.

It was 5:
00 in the afternoon.

That's usually what i'm doing

At 5:
00 in the afternoon.

Just standing in front

of my hotel.

Because i've been

Inside all day.

Just with the jacking off

And the ice cream.

It's just horrible.

It's, like, a horrible thing.

All day.

Just depths of f***ing hell.

Just--i wake up,

I get, like, chicken wings.

Sh*t nobody eats

At 10:
00 a.M.

Like, really--hot wings

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