Louis C.K.: Hilarious Page #3

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At somebody like that.

I'm like,

"Wow, she's an angel.

What could i ever say

To make her like me?"

Now i look at her and i'm like,

"What is that?

"Is that even a person?

"What the f***

Kind of person is that?

Is that an identity even?

Who would want to be that?"

I have two daughters.

I pray they don't

Grow up to be the--

The hot girl at the bar.

What kind of--

"Hey, what do you do?"

"People want to f*** me."

Really? That's it?

"Yeah.

"I go to this club, and they

Want to f*** me over here.

"Ha ha.

Not you.

Ha ha."

And their male counterparts

Are even more useless.

The guys.

The dudes--the going out

To get laid dudes.

You know those guys

That walk in packs of nine

Down the bar street.

The going out

To get laid guys.

They all got the same

Button-up, stripy,

Going out to get laid

Shirt on.

They all got the same stride,

And there's one short

Guy behind them like--

And they--

They're all out to get--

Like, who's gonna

F*** all nine of you?

What is the fantasy here?

Are you gonna see nine women

In the same configuration,

And just all--?

Are you all gonna walk

Into a giant vagina somewhere?

"Ha ha! Dude!"

And then later they're in front

of a pizza place,

Just angry at each other.

"You said there was p*ssy there,

You idiot!"

"Shut up!"

Then they beat up a stranger

And get the energy out that way.

"F*ggot!"

Those are the most

dangerous people,

Are dudes

That didn't get laid.

They're just f***ing--

[Grumbles]

Just full of come

Coming out of their eyes.

"F***ing--f***ing--

F*** somebody."

Stand there.

I love dudes

That hang out together

And do the whole--

I saw this group of guys,

And one of 'em was such a guy,

He had it turned up so high

That it was crazy.

His friends

Were kind of normal.

He was like--

I'm like, "what? Is that--

That can't be real.

That can't be a personality."

Does he do that at 4:00

In the morning

When he's peeing

And nobody's in his apartment?

He's like--

And he kept doing that gesture

That guys like to do.

The...

That's my favorite

Dumb guy gesture.

Yeah. Pfft.

Pffsh, yeah, right.

I always wonder,

What if there was a guy

Who, whenever he does this,

He has to finish.

Like, just some guy

Who works in your office.

You ask him a question.

"Hey, is Bill in yet?"

"Yeah,

Like, he's ever on time."

[Whispers]

"Oh, f***."

[Cheers and applause]

[Breathes heavily]

"Oh, sh*t.

"Seriously, that dude's

Always late, man.

I'm serious."

[Stammers]

It's always an odd moment

In a guy's life,

The second after you come,

And you're like--

[Shudders]

Reality comes rushing back.

'Cause you've been

Pushing reality away

In pieces

All night to get the--

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