Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map Page #4

Synopsis: In this documentary/stand-up special, Jeff takes his friends in the suitcase all around the world, performing in places such as Iceland, Norway, Abu Dhabi, United Arab Emirates, London, and Israel.
Genre: Comedy
Director(s): Rob Dipple
Actors: Jeff Dunham, Jeff Rothpan
 
IMDB:
7.1
  Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map Movie Quotes »
Collection  Edit  Watch  PDF  Buy   
TV-14
Year:
2014
83 min
401 Views

Peanut:
I have a joke.

Jeff Dunham:
All right.

Peanut:
What do you call women in Ireland?

Jeff Dunham:
I don't know. What do you call women in Ireland?

Peanut:
You call them women, you chauvinist bastard.

Achmed:
We landed in Belfast the other day, and I'm like what? Belfast? Am I here for a job interview. I love Dublin. I would never do anything evil to Dublin.

Jeff Dunham:
Really?

Achmed:
I'm afraid of the soccer fans. But have you looked at this audience?

Jeff Dunham:
Yes.

Achmed:
Closely. When the lights are out?

Jeff Dunham:
Yes.

Achmed:
I am made entirely out of bone and teeth, and my color actually blends in.

Jeff Dunham:
All right, Achmed, look, as everybody was coming tonight, they were given an opportunity or two to ask you a question.

Achmed:
Yes.

Jeff Dunham:
And everybody wrote them down, and before the show we grabbed a handful, and I think you should answer them?

Achmed:
Okie dokie.

Jeff Dunham:
All right. Dear Achmed, does Guinness

go right through you?

Achmed:
You a**hole! Yes! And so does potatoes... Corned beef and ******* sunlight.

Jeff Dunham:
All right Victor, a very important question victor is this legitimate? Okie dokie. It's...

Achmed:
What?

Jeff Dunham:
All right, you really want to do this? Ok.

Achmed:
[reading a letter to an audience member in Ireland] Holy ****! From Victor, it says, "Dear Achmed, would you help me propose to my girlfriend?"

[audience applauds]

Achmed:
No. Next question.

[beat]

Achmed:
I'm just kidding. Victor, can we turn on house lights, please? House lights. Okay, the guys that are working the lights that are smoking weed, turn on the ******* lights.

[a man and a woman in the audience stand up]

Achmed:
There he is, okay. Victor, before you do this, think this through!

[Victor shakes his head no]

Achmed:
Okay, all right, let's hear it.

[Victor is seen proposing to his girlfriend, who is apparently saying yes; audience cheers]

Achmed:
Yay!

[Victor and his girlfriend hug and kiss]

Achmed:
This is the saddest thing I've ever seen! I asked your mommy to marry me, prompted by a dead terrorist. If you have kids, name the first one Achmed!

(England)

(God save our queen)

Walter:
Isn't England where Mary Poppins is from.

Jeff Dunham:
It took place in London.

Walter:
Oh yeah, OK. Yeah. You know, I dated her for a while.

Jeff Dunham:
You dated Mary Poppins?

Walter:
: Yes, I did.

Jeff Dunham:
No.

Walter:
Yeah, I did. We were very young.

Jeff Dunham:
Oh really?

Walter:
I was the first guy to get into her chim chim cher-ee. Kinda ruined things when in the moment of passion

she started screaming some weird word. It was like super California refrigerator x, B delicious lotion. Something like that. Pretty kinky chick i'll tell you that much.

Rate this script:3.2 / 5 votes

Jeff Dunham

Jeffrey "Jeff" Dunham (born April 18, 1962) is an American ventriloquist and comedian who has also appeared on numerous television shows, including Late Show with David Letterman, Comedy Central Presents, The Tonight Show and Sonny With a Chance. He has six specials that run on Comedy Central: Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself, Jeff Dunham: Spark of Insanity, Jeff Dunham's Very Special Christmas Special, Jeff Dunham: Controlled Chaos, Jeff Dunham: Minding the Monsters, and Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map. Dunham also starred in The Jeff Dunham Show, a series on the network in 2009.His style has been described as "a dressed-down, more digestible version of Don Rickles with multiple personality disorder". Describing his characters, Time magazine said, "All of them are politically incorrect, gratuitously insulting and ill tempered." Dunham has been credited with reviving ventriloquism, and doing more to promote the art form than anyone since Edgar Bergen.Dunham has been called "America's favorite comedian" by Slate.com, and according to the concert industry publication Pollstar, he is the top-grossing standup act in North America, and is among the most successful acts in Europe as well. As of November 2009, he has sold over four million DVDs, an additional $7 million in merchandise sales, and received more than 350 million hits on YouTube as of October 2009 (his introduction of Achmed the Dead Terrorist in Spark of Insanity was ranked as the ninth most watched YouTube video at the time). A Very Special Christmas Special was the most-watched telecast in Comedy Central history, with its DVD selling over 400,000 in its first two weeks. Forbes.com ranked Dunham as the third highest-paid comedian in the United States behind Jerry Seinfeld and Chris Rock, and reported that he was one of the highest-earning comics from June 2008 to June 2009, earning approximately $30 million during that period. Dunham also does occasional acting roles. He achieved the Guinness Book of World Records record for "Most tickets sold for a stand-up comedy tour" for his Spark of Insanity tour, performing in 386 venues worldwide. more…

All Jeff Dunham scripts | Jeff Dunham Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 14 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/jeff_dunham:_all_over_the_map_11217>.

    Powered by CITE.ME Cite.Me

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Browse Scripts.com

    #ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.