Jeff Dunham: All Over the Map Page #3

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Peanut:
That's interesting because where we from, Mexico mean pack your bags and start running north.

Jeff Dunham:
All right.

(Lobster shop)

(Shopkeeper holds a lobster)

Shopkeeper:
Silence! I keel you.

(Back to show)

Jeff Dunham:
So while we're here.

Achmed:
Wait, I want to ask you something. Can we go to Ikea?

Jeff Dunham:
This is Norway. Ikea is in Sweden.

Achmed:
Oh, too bad. I wanted to give Ikea a new advertising slogan.

Jeff Dunham:
And what's that?

Achmed:
I-keel-you.

Jeff Dunham:
So Achmed, did you know the biathlon is popular here?

Achmed:
What is this biathlon?

Jeff Dunham:
It's where you ski and shoot a gun.

Achmed:
Oh! Yes, of course. But in Los Angeles, you

drive and shoot a gun.

Jeff Dunham:
I also learned today that the Vikings put their dead on a boat and sent them out to sea.

Achmed:
Yes, of course. The first Norwegian Cruise Line.

(Ireland)

Jeff Dunham:
So we landed in lovely Dublin Ireland last night, we landed, but none of the baggage did, i got like 29 baggage tags, no clothes, no dummies, no toothbrush no underwear, no nothing, so i have a show in 8 hours i guess for now i'm just going walk around and drink guinness.

(Montage till show)

Jeff Dunham:
So have you learned much about Ireland since we got here?

Walter:
I'd say Americans and the Irish pretty much think alike.

Jeff Dunham:
How's that?

Walter:
Most of us think our government should take a flying ******* leap.

Jeff Dunham:
Well, besides politics, did you know that Bram Stoker who created Dracula is from Dublin?

Walter:
Oh really? No, Dracula. Dracula? You mean the guy who sleeps all day, goes out every night, and can't stop drinking? Wonder where Stoker got that idea?

I once picked up an Irish hitchhiker.

Jeff Dunham:
You did?

Walter:
Yeah.

Jeff Dunham:
Where was he going?

Walter:
Rehab.

Jeff Dunham:
You know this is a very diverse city.

Walter:
Yes, yes. I saw the black guy. Good for you.

Jeff Dunham:
Did you see the O'connell bridge?

Walter:
No what's that?

Jeff Dunham:
It's the only bridge in Europe that's as wide as it is long.

Walter:
Oh i married her. Is it a toll bridge?

Jeff Dunham:
No.

Walter:
Oh well that's another thing my wife and the bridge have in common.

Jeff Dunham:
How's that?

Walter:
No one would ever pay to get on her either. See if i can speak Irish. (Mumbles)

Jeff Dunham:
You're not saying anything.

Walter:
No, but they can understand me.

Jeff Dunham:
So what do you think about Dublin so far?

Bubba J:
Oh, duh, dur, uh, this is the land of beer.

Jeff Dunham:
That's right.

Bubba J I know we're going to Israel soon, but while we've been here in Dublin, I've seen pubs everywhere, so I'm pretty sure this is the Holy Land. And this is the biggest alcoholics anonymous meeting I've ever been to.

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