Idiocracy Page #4

- I was just looking for some regular water.

- Water?

- Yeah.

- You mean like in the toilet? What for?

You know, just to drink.

[ Laughing ]

[ Continues Laughing ]

- [ Electronic Tune]

- [ Electronic Voice] You've got hepatitisl

Oh, is someone not

feeling well?

Your illness

is very important to us.

- [ Man ] Next.

- [ Electronic Voice] Welcome

to the Healthmaster Inferno...

- powered byJormi Technology.

- Uh, this goes in your mouth.

This one goes in your ear.

And this one goes in your butt.

Come on.

- Hurry up, assholel

- Come onl

- [ Beeping ]

- Sh*t. Hang on a second.

This one- No.

- Hey, come on.

- Uh-

- Hurry up!

- This one. This one goes in your mouth.

Come on!

[ Electronic Voice] Thank you for waiting.

Dr. Lexus will be with you shortly.

That's a weird misprint.

Hey.

How's it hang, ese?

Yeah. Right.

Well, not so good, you know.

I don't really know what's going on,

but I'm seein' things.

I think it might be because of

these drugs the army put me on.

But, if you could, uh, just get me

well enough to get back to base-

Right. Kick ass.

Well, don't wanna sound

like a dick or nothin'...

but, uh, it says on your chart

that you're f***ed up.

You talk like a fag,

and your sh*t's all retarded.

What I'd do is just like,

like, you know...

like, you know what I mean? Like-

[ Chuckles ]

- No, I'm serious here.

- [ Chuckles ] Don't worry, scrot.

Now there are plenty of'tards

out there living really kick-ass lives.

My first wife was 'tarded.

She's a pilot now.

I need for you to be serious

for a second here, okay? I need help.

There's that fag talk

we talked about.

All right, so that'll be...

this many dollars.

And if you could just go ahead and,

like, put your tattoo in that sh*t.

That's weird. This thing has the same

misprint as that magazine.

- What are the odds of-

- Where's your tattoo? Tattoo?

Why don't you have this?

Oh, God.

- Where's your tattoo?

- Oh, my God.

Why come you don't

have a tattoo?

- [Joe] Oh, my Godl

- You're not unscannable, are you?

Oh, my God!

- You're unscannable.

- [ Alarm Wailing ]

- Unscannable!

- No! No, you don't understand!

You gotta let me talk

to someone in the armyl Wait a second.

They're all dead.

Everybody I know's dead!

Oh, my God! Oh!

- [ Screaming ]

- [ Screaming ]

- No! Stop! Calm down!

- Calm down! Calm down!

- How'd this happen?

- How did it happen?

- [ Alarm Continues ]

- Your floor is now clean.

Your floor is now clean.

[ Narrator]

Joe had awakened to a world in crisis.

The economy was

in a state of deep neglect.

A great dust bowl

had ravaged food supplies.

And the number one movie

in the country was called Ass.

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