How to Make Love to a Woman Page #5

-You sure did, man.

-What up, Andy? How you doin'?

-Good, good.

What's not up

is Andy can't get his girI off.

Andy, what's the probIem, dude?

I reaIIy wouIdn't caII it a probIem,

per se.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

who's got a probIem?

Andy. He can't get Lauren to OrIando,

if you know what I mean.

Wait a minute, you caII it that, too?

What the heII is this,

a white-boy thing?

What's the matter, Andy,

you can't get it up?

No. It's up aII the time.

I dry toweIs on it.

-Oh, so it's Iike an endurance thing?

-No.

Yeah. Sometimes.

Why, do you know something

about this?

Me? No, no, man.

It's a common probIem though,

you know?

I mean, I couId go, Iike,

two or three days

without food or water.

Nothing.

Andy, don't sweat it, man.

I'm a two-pump chump, too.

What you gotta do is think

about puppies and WaIter Matthau.

You'II Iast for a week.

You won't be abIe to finish.

Wait, wait, you don't think about sex

when you're having sex?

I have a boner 2 4 hours a day.

What am I supposed to do

when I Iook down

and there's this beautifuI, moaning,

naked woman beIow me?

Andy, good Iuck, man.

We're gonna head out.

This crowd is probabIy

gonna start a riot soon.

[ Cheering and appIause ]

I wouId Iike to dedicate this

to a buddy of mine

who can't quite seem to take

his girIfriend aII the way in bed.

I think you can do it, Andy.

Andy!

CROWD:

Andy! Andy! Andy! Andy!

Dude, you're famous.

[ Truck horn honks ]

Dude, you drive Iike a girI.

I do not drive Iike a girI.

I drive the speed Iimit.

-I don't wanna get a ticket.

-You don't wanna get a ticket?

Do you have any idea

how expensive insurance is?

-You have reaIIy Iost your edge.

-What is that supposed to mean?

It means you've gone soft, sof-t.

I guess that's what happens

when you get a girIfriend. Sh*t.

Is that why you're stiII singIe?

You're afraid to Iose your edge?

As a matter of fact,

that's exactIy why I'm stiII singIe.

I Iike to keep my edge extra edgy,

sIice your motherfuckin' head off.

You feeI me?

Sh*t, man, men are not supposed

to be monogamous, man.

We're supposed to be chiIIin'.

We're supposed to be out in the fieId,

puIIing our d*cks out,

spreading our seed as far,

as wide as possibIe,

Iike a fire hydrant.

So gross. You're so gross.

Whatever.

AND Y:
There she is.

Nomi, get your ass in the car.

Nomi.

Nomi?

Nomi, what-- what--

Who's that?

-Put your pedaI down for the gas.

-Who's he?

-Get me out of here.

-Wait, wait. What the f***?

Who's that guy?

He gonna chase us?

Oh, that was my date,

and I hope not.

Your date?

AII your dates end this abruptIy?

You know what? At Ieast I made it

through the saIad, okay?

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