Hacks Page #5

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I'm getting a bit scared.'

'Don't worry, I'll get

another super-injunction.'

Sorry, Mr Feast.

I do know how much

you've invested in China but...

I'm sure the Chinese government

will be very grateful.

Kate?

I'm sorry, but we just can't

nail a thing on the Dalai Lama.

Well, he doesn't have a mobile.

We tried, but he just

said that worldly

possessions were like

smoke in a mirror, so...

A slanty-eyed c*nt to you,

the reincarnation of the Lord Buddha

to his followers.

Obviously, we'll keep... Argh!

Kate, I rather think

I've got a front page.

A husband having sex with his wife?

Micah Todd.

He's cheating on his wife.

Is he?

Oh, yes, he is.

I expect you want to ask me

who with.

Who with?

With...

Tracey Potts,

sizzling singing sensation.

Evidence?

Phone messages from last week,

a tape of the matter,

and Tracey will tell

her side of it for 20K.

What does she say he said?

The usual... "My marriage is over,

I love you, you're the one,"

"can you get any more of my dick

in your mouth?"

And Kate, I'd value your opinion.

Shall we try and get Micah to talk?

No.

He might try and sell his side of it

to a Saturday.

So, big surprise for Micah

on Sunday morning!

Hmm!

By the way, Kate,

can I say how very much I'm enjoying

working with you as my editor?

Letter for you, marked "Personal".

That's Jeremy Clarkson's

house over there.

Who?

He's...

Never mind.

That barn you can see over there

is originally 13th-century.

No offence, David,

but I don't give a flying f***

if Queen Victoria had a threesome in

there with Stanley and Livingstone.

Stanny, you are a rude man!

Ho Chi Mao, you'll want to help

Samantha butter those scones.

I never liked Britain's

obsession with the past.

Much more interested

in your vision of the future.

Particularly regarding, say,

takeovers of, say, Channel 100.

They'll probably want

a man to open the jam.

What can I say?

We absolutely believe

in a lightness of touch

when it comes to government.

Businesses express themselves

better without...

Prime Minister David Bullingdon.

It's got a ring to it, hasn't it?

Prime Minister David Bullingdon

welcomed the US President

to Number Ten.

Prime Minister David Bullingdon

was re-elected

with a huge majority.

Go on, you try one.

Prime Minister David Bullingdon

said the takeover didn't need to

go before the Monopolies

and Mergers Committee.

I think my editors will decide

to support you at the next election,

Prime Minister Bullingdon.

The Micah-Tracey thing

happened four months ago.

Yeah.

You said you had phone messages

from last week. Yeah. No...

We got hold of them last week.

They're from four months ago.

Is there a problem?

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