
Hacks
- Year:
- 2012
- 39 Views
(MIMICS PRINCE PHILIP)
You buggering fool!
My God, is this place run
entirely by idiots?
(Thanks, babe.)
Just fax me the bleeding bank
statement, you bloody imbecile!
F*ck off, we're not paying that!
Miss Loy!
He texted to everyone!
I've seen more of Ashley's cock
than Cheryl has!
Max, Max, we've got computers
full of Ashley's cock.
We've had to install more memory
to cope with it.
No, it's always that shape. Now,
50k and we might have a conversation.
David Bullingdon, 1984.
No, I'll wait.
Um, sorry. Were you
the cappuccino or the latte?
I was a coffee.
Macchiato?
A coffee. Has no-one heard
of bleedin' coffee any more?
No frothy scum,
no chocolate sprinkles.
No syrup of bollocks.
This is cold!
Max, how can you put a footballer's
knob on the front page?
Boiling is a bonus, hot I like.
Warm, I'll accept.
This is the wrong
side of fucking tepid!
I wouldn't pay that
if he was juggling oranges
and singing Old Man River!
(WHIMPERS)
(WHIMPERS) Hang on, Max. Face me.
Never let them see you cry.
Men think it's weakness.
You need bigger bollocks
than any of them. Sorry, Max.
She likes you.
The Daily Mail won't have it.
I suppose she had
to like someone one day.
If it's such a great exclusive,
put it on the phone.
Yeah, put Ashley's cock on the phone!
Exactly! So get me Cheryl.
She can talk, she's the story!
Hack 'im? No, I'm blagging, mate.
Anyway, you want pinging.
Juvenile Huntington's chorea?
Has she got a phone?
Look, we're a fucking tabloid!
You try fitting juvenile
Huntington's chorea in a headline!
(CHATTERING)
I'm hanging up, Max.
I'm hanging up.
Tabby, what you got?
I'm on it, even as you speak.
Three weeks of nothing, Tabby.
Come on! The ginger prince
must have been up to something.
Kate, darling,
even he has quiet weeks!
SONG:
634-5789 by WILSON PICKET If you need a little lovin'Call on me, all right...
PHONE BEEPS:
And if you want a little huggin'
Call on me, baby
Mm-hmm
Oh, I'll be right here at home
All you got to do is pick up
your telephone and dial, now
6-3-4-5-7-8-9
What's my number?
6-3-4-5-7-8-9...
'I'm sorry, I... '
'I know I'm drunk, but I wouldn't
be drunk if not for you!'
'My maid-of-honour! At least
before it was the au-pairs!'
'It's spread to his bones.
They reckon three months, tops.'
'No, I'm not stalking her.'
'Nine inches, not lying!
Could hang washing on it!'
'Got me an appointment at... '
' Yeah, don't leave messages,
cos I think they're hacking
our voice mails. Oh, hang on.
This is a voice mail, isn't it?'
So, eh, Mrs Whippy.
Does she do the same things
as Fraulein Spank?
More things? Oh!
We should bloody well complain to
the, uh, Press Complaining Council.
'I know it was you. I know it!
You were the only person I told!'
'The coffin was so tiny.'
Gordon, "You saved the world,"
they said to me.
Prime Minister.
Have you met David?
I hear he's after your job.
(THEY LAUGH)
Do you know, Stanhope, I liked Kenny.
As much as you can like
a tabloid editor.
I'm sorry he's going.
Well, he didn't do
what I told him to!
No, he didn't do
what I told him to.
In fact, he was going to
run a story on you, David.
Oh, Stanhope, I don't think I've done
anything that will excite your readers.
Don't ask me. I don't get involved
in all that muck.
Something about drugs,
fancy-dress party, July '89.
At the roof-garden?
(HOARSE LAUGH)
Anyway, enjoy yourselves.
Everyone who's anyone is here.
And Piers Morgan!
They only fucking laugh at your
jokes cos they're scared, Dad.
I know.
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Citation
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"Hacks" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 17 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/hacks_9468>.