Hacks Page #6

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You're not...

You're not personally involved in

this one or anything are you, Kate?

What the hell is that?

Guns for sale

on British streets story.

I've an M16 machine gun in the car.

Is this real?

Real and loaded.

Careful.

Kate.

You're fired,

and that goes for anyone

who's too hoity-toity to use

the technology available to us.

One day they'll work it out.

What?

My support doesn't win the election,

I support who's going to win.

You could have f***ing

discussed it with me.

That you were going to

f***ing support Bullingdon.

Didn't know until I did it.

I have high self-esteem, Dad,

but if you constantly undermine it,

I'll be in a bad place when I'm

in decision-making situations.

Jesus Christ, are

you really my son?

A sociologist must have f***ed

your mother behind my back.

Dad!

You've had it too easy.

Three years I was at Cambridge,

three years of public schoolboys

taking the piss out of my accent.

Three years of

"Here comes the sheep-shagger."

All those posh little bleeders.

David bloody Bullingdon.

I'm going to piss in his pond.

I've not heard that expression.

No, I'm going to piss in his pond.

Join me, son?

(UNZIPS FLY)

Oh, Jesus!

Oh!

I used to wear Timberland,

not Christian Louboutin

during my foot-in-the-door days!

I didn't know it happened

four months ago.

I thought...

God, I think you've broken my foot.

Yeah, I f***ing hope so.

Come on!

I was just another notch

on your bedpost.

Come on, didn't you

read my letter to you?

I...

I shredded it.

Your lot hacked into my phone,

didn't they?

I'm going to sue your arse

into the ground.

Put that in your shredder.

Hey, Byron! Our weather forecast

is depressing. I want less rain.

And the phone hacking

is causing a lot of sh*t.

From now on, you absolutely have to

stop telling me you're doing it.

It's about 90 seconds.

Just read me the transcript.

"Christ, oh, Jesus Christ,

I saw the body.

"My boy, my little boy.

I can't bear"

"to think of what he went through,

how he'd have called my name. I..."

Inaudible, due to crying.

"Jesus Christ... " Inaudible.

"If it wasn't for the baby

I'd slit my..."

Inaudible due to crying

for approximately 45 seconds.

Phone message ends.

Nothing new. Can't use any of that.

We'll go with Jordan's

boob reduction.

Hang on, didn't I fire you?

You un-fired me.

I lose track.

(MIMICS GERMAN ACCENT) It was God's

will I was chosen as the new Pope

because, Mr Bono, I very much wish

to hear your confession, my child.

LINE GOES DEAD:

Hello?

It's worth a try.

For f***'s sake, Ellie...

latte, not a cappuccino.

So you're just about to pay 200,000 of

my money to a retarded Algerian tranny

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