Greg Davies: You Magnificent Beast Page #4

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It's my reputation you're

out there ruining.

What's the show called?

You're all right, aren't you?"

The show has always been

"You Magnificent Beast."

There's a reason for that.

I was moving through London in a cab

with the window open.

A drunk student saw me, recognized me.

He dove through the window

of the moving cab.

He grabbed me by the throat,

and he went, "Oh, yeah.

You magnificent beast."

He just let go.

Honestly, as far as I know,

he could be dead.

But I got a title for my show.

The honest truth is, the next day

I found myself...

"Yes, I am.

Yes, I am."

I thought, "I'm gonna write a show

about how magnificent I am.

How magnificent we all are.

That's what my show is gonna be about.

How unique all human beings are.

How we've all got something to offer."

I started getting quotes together,

inspirational quotes about humans.

Look at this. I think it's wonderful.

"Child of heaven born

from the womb of a star."

All of us.

Another one...

"Man's goodness is a flame that can be

hidden but never extinguished."

Nelson Mandela said that.

I hope this doesn't seem arrogant,

but I do see myself

as the white Nelson Mandela.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Another one.

"No species has ever had such

wholesale control

over everything on Earth."

Attenborough said that.

We believe anything Attenborough said.

I thought, "This show is

gonna write itself."

I start getting images together

of the wonderful things

all human beings have done.

And my mom, still smarting,

went, "Yeah, I'm a mad old lady

who's had her youth, had it away with.

And you're a magnificent beast?

How about your lift your shirt up in front

of the mirror,love?

See how magnificent you are."

I will do. Yeah. Have a look.

Look at it.

Look at what I've done to myself.

Nothing magnificent about this, is there?

I thought, "She's got a point."

When I thought about it more,

I thought, "There's nothing magnificent

about a middle-aged human being anyway.

Middle-age is dreadful."

I'm gonna come and talk

to one of my middle-aged friends.

This is where I massively offend someone.

-What's your name?

-Sean.

Sean, you're how old? Sorry?

-Forty-seven.

-Couple years younger than me?

-Are you enjoying middle age?

-Yep.

Are you up for a piss in the night?

-A couple of times.

-Twice.

We're at the same prostate level.

It's called "galia melon."

Two pisses a night, I'm the same.

You're two years younger than me.

I'll tell you, things have happened to me

that you've got to look forward to.

And I just want to share them

with the young people.

In the last two years,

my nails have become

four times thicker than they used to be.

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