Goon: Last of the Enforcers Page #4

better, I go all kinds of ways.

- What kinds of ways?

- Ah, you get me drunk enough,

I'll munch a box. That's not an

animal; I got all kinds of tricks.

(man growling)

- Feels like my ass threw up!

HEYYY! There he is! No, no, come on,

give me the good stuff.

Give me the... No, no.

(gurgling)

- (Doug's mom):
Ohhhh!

- F***ing... Mazel tov!

Mazel tov! In your a...

Oh, excuse me, I didn't... I'm sorry.

Sorry. - (whispering): No. F***.

- I was just pretending to butt f*** my friend.

I don't think we've been properly introduced.

I'm Patrick... Hoolahan.

- We've met, you idiot!

You wouldn't stop hitting on

me at Doug and Eva's wedding.

And you fell asleep and pissed yourself.

- Nice. Represent.

- (Mary):
Yeah.

- Why do you have a boner?

- You just noticed that?

- Hey, what, I have a...

- (Mary):
It's massive.

- What? Uh...

- Come on, clean it up!

- Ah! - No! Stop!

- Just trying to get rid of it.

- Pat always gets boners.

- (Pat):
F***! DIB! HIYA!

- So how was your first day?

- Work?

Oh, it... Aw, It was so fun.

Yeah. I mean, there's

so many documents and...

phone calls to make and receive and...

You sit a lot.

I mean, like, pretty much the whole day.

So it's safe. You know, it's really safe.

Plus there's a Harvey's

close by, which is good.

- Hey. I'm proud of you,

of us.

We're doing this. It's...

it's a f***ing a lot and...

(chuckling) It's crazy, but we're doing it.

Together.

- A team.

- Yeah, we're a team. Got each other's backs.

I know it's hard for you.

I mean, I know you miss it.

And I miss it too.

I loved watching you play,

but I love you and...

the family we're gonna

have, more. (toilet flushing)

- AAH! Guys! Dropping loads.

Dropping f***ing hot meatball

loads from my a**hole.

- Hey, Pat.

- This... I

- I was just... I'm having... I'm having

some stomach issues today.

- (announcer):
Ladies and germs,

welcome to the Bruised and Battered

Hockey Fighting Competition.

Proudly banned in 11 states,

6 provinces and 1 territory!

The hockey tournament

for retired fourth-liners

with only one rule:

no hockey.

- You know, I tell ya, Hot Ice

would have been all over this sh*t.

F***ing kids these days

with their f***ing...

YouTube.

F***ing Isis.

I tell you what, I'm into

new sh*t now. But lately,

Dougie, my new thing; I'm all about going

f***ing door to door

selling f***ing china deluxe.

Look at this f***ing thing,

right? You know, you f***ing...

You put it someplace, you put it

another place. People f***ing look at it.

Does everything it needs to do.

Dope, right? Dougie?

- I keep going over

and over it in my head.

He was unlike anybody

I've ever fought before.

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