Goon: Last of the Enforcers Page #3

- Alright.

- I got you. I got you, friend.

- Stevesy, I think I'm gonna piss myself.

(retro orchestral music playing)

- Hey! There's my guy!

Hey, stay there, I'll come to you.

Ooh! Yeah.

- (employee):
I'm good, Ray.

- Just stand here?

- Just...

I told you I'm coming to you. I'm Doug

Glatt. I said I was coming to you.

I can do this. Prostate.

Work up. Got a melon.

Here we go. See? Flat,

I'm fine. It's the stairs.

- I'm Doug Glatt. - Yeah. Bob Forbes.

- Ow, my arm!

- Oh yeah, hell of an arm! How

excited are you right now, huh?

- Yes. Thank you so much.

The windows here are great.

- Yeah, tell you what. You deserve

'em. 'Cause the sky is the limit

here at Cornwallis Insurance.

- Hmm! - You seen the commercials?

- No.

- Ah, you should, they're real good. It says,

Go ahead and call us, we're...

- You want me to call you?

- No, I want you to finish the song. Cornwallis.

- Oh.

- Hahaha! There he is. He's going up, this guy.

Get in there.

Used to be a jail.

Prisoners killed themselves.

"Doug Glatt, storage room,"

that's you. How does that feel?

You know, you mentioned

you play hockey; I used

to watch a lot of hockey 'til it

got too exciting for the old ticker.

Had a massive heart attack. Yep,

I am a sick man. Anyway,

I'm lying on my death bed,

and that's when I got bit

by the selling insurance bug.

(Doug chuckling) Yep, she laid eggs

right inside of me, and now you're here.

- I'm allergic to eggs.

- You're an idiot;

nobody's allergic to eggs. (man

outside moaning) Oh, Christ,

this guy. Come on, come on! Come on!

Aah! Get out of there! Quit! Quit that!

- (man outside):
F*** you!

- It's like he's showing off. Huh? Nice fixed stream.

- Yeah.

- God! They got a whole alley to do that in and then they choose

this window to piss on.

God, it's like crack to them.

- Crazy.

- They also sell crack at that window.

- Oh! OK.

- But don't worry, it's safe as

long as you get out by sundown.

That's when the handjobs start.

(pop music playing)

- What the...?

A lot of cars in our driveway.

(You're a Strange Animal

by Gowan playing)

- AAAH! Surprise!

- Hey, f***!

- I was gonna be in town anyway, so I thought to

myself, wouldn't this be the perfect opportunity

to organize a little something

for the two of you? Ohhh,

I am so proud of you, Dougie. You

found something secure and steady.

You see? Everything has a time and a place.

Hmm! Hmm-hmm!

- Thanks, Mom.

- Oh. Your house, the baby...

I can't believe I'm gonna be a grandmother.

If I'm being honest, there was a while there

where I never thought it was gonna happen,

what with Ira being the way he is and all.

- Jesus, Mom.

- Wow!

If it makes you feel any

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes