George Carlin: You Are All Diseased Page #6

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House Of Blues huh?

What a f***ing disgrace

that place is,

the House Of Blues.

They ought to call it

the house of lame

white motherfuckers.

Inauthentic, low

frequency, single digit

lame white motherfuckers,

especially these

male movie stars

who think they're

blues artist.

You ever see these guys?

Don't you just want

to puke in your soup

when one of these fat,

balding, overweight,

over aged, out of shape,

middle-aged

male movie stars

with sunglasses

jumps on stage

and starts blowing

into a harmonica.

It's a f***ing sacrilege.

In the first place,

in the first place,

white people

got no business

playing the blues

ever at all,

under any

circumstances.

Ever, ever, ever.

What the f***

do white people

have to be blue about?

Banana Republic

ran out of khakis?

Huh?

The Espresso

machine is jammed.

Hootie and the Blowfish

are breaking up?

Sh*t white people

ought to understand

there job is to give

people the blues

not to get them.

And certainly not to

sing or play them.

Tell you a little

secret about the blues;

it's not enough to know

which notes to play

you got to know why

they need to be played.

And another thing,

I don't think,

I don't think

white people

should be trying to

dance like blacks.

Stop that!

Stick to your faggoty

polkas and waltzes.

And that repulsive

country line dancing

sh*t that you do

and be yourself.

Be proud, be

white, be lame

and get the f***

off the dance floor.

Now.

I thank you.

Now listen,

long as were

discussing minorities

I'd like to mention

something about language.

There are a

couple of terms

being used a

lot these days

by guilty

white liberals.

First one is,

happens to be.

He happens to be black.

I have a friend

who happens to be black.

Like it's a f***ing

accident you know?

Happens to be black?

Yes he happens

to be black.

Awe yeah, yeah, yeah.

He had two black parents?

Oh yes, yes he did.

Yes.

And they f***ed?

Oh indeed they did.

Indeed.

So where does the

surprise part come in?

I should think it

would be more unusual

if he just happened

to be Scandinavian.

And the other

term is openly.

Openly gay.

They'll say,

he's openly gay.

But this... that's

the only minority

they use that for.

You know you wouldn't say

someone was openly black.

Well maybe James Brown

or Lewis Farrakhan.

Lewis Farrakhan

is openly black.

Colin Powell is

not openly black.

Colin Powell is

openly white,

he just happens

to be black.

Okay.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh thank you.

Thank you.

And while were at it

when did the word urban

become synonymous

with the word black?

Did I fall asleep for

eight or nine years?

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