Fat Camp Page #4

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Okay. I'm Charlie.

I'm from sunny San Clemente.

And my favorite band is

Nickelback, obviously.

And I'm here at camp

to help you guys get fit.

Uh, I'm Andy,

from Santa Barbara.

- My doctor made me come...

- No homo.

- Hutch, seriously?

- His doctor made him come.

Sounds like his MD

gave him an HJ.

He didn't.

I've got the chubby trinity: high

cholesterol, hypertension, and Type 2 'betes.

Who's next?

Oh, well,

I'm Jamar from Riverside.

It was my third summer

coming here,

and I won't stop till I've got ripped

abs, solid delts and chiseled calves.

My goal is to get fit,

play high school ball,

become a marine,

then a senator, then president.

Hey, don't send

any dick pics, all right?

That sh*t comes back

to haunt you.

I'm Kyle, and I'm here

for one reason:

p*ssy!

[laughs]

A nigga like me is

tryin' to get his dick wet up.

Wait, time out.

Rewind!

What did you just say?

I said "a" not "er."

One love.

You say that disrespectful sh*t

again, you're gonna get one punch.

My bad, bro.

- [sighs]

- Anyway,

instead of getting shot down

by skinny b*tches all summer,

I'm boxing in a more

realistic weight class.

I can respect

that sh*t.

[clears throat]

[grunts]

Um, I'm Marshall

from Lake Elsinore,

and I'm a sexy b*tch

who's here against my will.

This whole place is a bullshit

farm to make us skinny.

For what?

I mean, look at me.

I'm great!

Noted.

That just leaves Hutch.

Yo, I'm Hutch. Duh.

From Long Beach. LBC in

the muthafuckin' hizzouse.

Great! Bedtime.

A good night's sleep is the

first step towards weight loss.

Oh, yeah,

and y'all figure out your

beat-off schedules, all right?

'Cause it's real creepy

if we get involved.

Uh, bro.

Kyle,

what's a beat-off schedule?

Oh, got it.

Yeah, sure thing.

[classical music, faint]

I told you

you should've dressed nicer.

[scoffs] I ain't wasting my sexy

on these she-whales. You crazy?

Holy boner parade.

Who is that?

She's a knockout, right?

Beautiful, and she

doesn't even know it.

Yo, what's her name?

Candace.

One day I'm gonna work the nerve

to ask her out.

Most girls her size wouldn't wear a white dress

like that, but she is really working it.

I'm sorry,

are your eyes broken, man?

She's not wearing

a white dress.

Wait, that's the girl you

nervous to ask out? [laughs]

Yeah, I can't get her

to notice me.

Put some bacon in your pocket.

Motherf***er is crazy.

That girl, man.

Who is that girl?

Oh, that's, uh...

that's Abby Krupa.

Oh.

She's cute too, if you're

into that type of thing.

Everybody's

into that type of thing.

[Candace] My job won't stop until it

sucks the goddamn soul out of me.

- I know.

- 'Sup, girl?

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