Fat Camp Page #3

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My hell. Thank you.

Hey.

You know, you could learn to love

this place, if you let yourself.

Actually, try loving anything

besides yourself.

You must be Hutch Daley.

I'm Charlie Soto.

Welcome to Camp Vision,

California's premier fitness camp.

Fat camp.

I'm your CIT...

your counselor-in-training.

Whoa, no, no, no, no, no.

Bottom bunk.

Oh, well, counselors usually

take the bottom...

I will not sleep a wink if I'm worried

about your fat ass crushing me from above.

Oh, oh, oh.

You missed orientation.

Um, don't worry though.

I'll fill you in.

Just tell me where to be at at

what time so I don't get fired.

I don't care about kids or their

self-esteem or helping them

under their layers of lard,

all right?

[chuckles]

Edgy humor.

You're like a young Don Rickles.

- But I promise you're gonna fall in love with all our boys.

- No homo, man, damn.

No, I'm heterosexual.

Common mistake.

[Big Mike]

Welcome, campers,

to a healthy, prosperous

summer at Camp Vision.

Please tell all your

fitness-challenged friends about us

so we can get more

paying customers...

I mean,

so we can change more lives!

This is the best day of summer.

[sniffs]

Just smell that excitement

in the air.

I smell trapped

fat-fold sweat.

Welcome, camper.

I'm Charlie, this is Hutch. And we're

here to help you battle your bulge.

Jamar Hilton Jeffers

reporting for camp, sir!

Welcome back.

But what are you doing here?

You look incredible.

Please don't patronize me, Charlie.

I'm a soft, gross mess.

[man rapping] Yo, on the East

Coast We got the West Coast

Kyle Danson in the hizzy!

Damn, girl, you fine.

I'll go ahead and get your number so I'll

keep you updated with Carl's progress.

It's Kyle.

And no.

Overseas with

My bank account

It says that we have one more

camper here.

[tires screeching]

Come on!

I don't need to lose weight.

I'm a fricking stud!

I will not be fat-shamed.

You can all go to hell!

What's the b*tch sitch

like around here?

'Cause I brought hella rubbers.

- What's up, piggies?

- [car horn honks]

Watch out, kids!

It's Lone Pine.

- [groans]

- [boys laughing]

- [groans]

- Losers!

Hey, Lone Pine, f*** off!

That's okay.

F*** my life.

[laughing, chattering]

All right, gentlemen,

let's circle up.

Welcome to our first

nightly devotions.

Hutch, can you put

your phone away, please?

Why you dressed like that?

Got a hot date? [chuckles]

- Can we smell your fingers later?

- [boy chuckles]

Hutch and I are going

to a staff banquet.

And if I did

ever third-base a lady,

I would never share her essence.

Let's go around the room.

Say our names,

where we're from,

and why we're here at camp

and then something fun.

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