Fat Camp

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[spray can rattles]

[young boy] My name is Hutch

and I got Something on my mind

Baby Jill

You probably get this

All the time

Cats steppin' to you

Spittin' you a corny line

So I thought I'd put My

feelings for you In a rhyme

It's pretty easy for me

'Cause you're so fine

Check out Myspace Or Friendster

If you need to vet me

Be my girl and life for us

Will be sweeter than Pepsi

And not diet either

So, what do you think?

[scoffs]

- [woman moaning]

- [man] Damn, Kelly, you're so special.

I think you might be the one.

[groans]

[both panting]

- Hutch...

- Oh!

Mom, private space.

This is my house.

Every space is my space.

[Kelly]

You live with your mother?

- What'd I tell you about them Beckys?

- Ah, her name is Kelly.

Whatever. Do you know

what today is, Hutch?

Yes, the day that you

crossed the boundary

- by being in here while I'm trying to get busy.

- No.

Four years ago you graduated

from college, and we had a deal.

The deal was that you would have a

job by today or be out of my house.

Ma, I know that, but...

But nothing.

You are out of here today.

No more extensions.

No more excuses.

Ma, come on.

I am the victim here, okay?

- I'm an overeducated millennial that's trying to just...

- Here.

That's so you can rinse

that bullshit out your mouth.

Ma!

We're done.

Ma!

Mama.

Mama, listen.

Look, I know it's the

deadline, all right?

But you gotta give me

more time.

You don't want your baby boy out here in the

streets just working no regular-ass job.

I'm gonna tell you

what I don't want.

Is for my son to keep on

embarrassing me.

Mama, how am I embarrassing you?

Did you know when you were

in the fifth grade,

Miss Humphries

pulled me to the side.

I hope she ain't

breathe on you, man,

'cause her mouth was like

an asshole with teeth.

Stop it with the jokes!

She said,

"Barb, you got a good one.

He's got looks,

brains, heart."

Whatever happened

to that boy?

- He became a man, grew up, you know?

- [cell phone vibrating]

Matter of fact,

just got an interview

right now.

I'm about to go crush it.

Pack your shit today,

or I will.

Okay.

- I'm not playing with you, Hutch.

- You look nice, Mama.

[man] I texted you guys

because I have exciting news.

I proposed to Maggie last night.

- She said yes!

- Congratulations.

You're getting married, man?

That's so damn gay.

Okay, Maggie's a woman, so it's

actually the opposite of gay.

Yeah, but you're 26, man. Why you

wanna be tied down to one beaver?

Because I'm in love with the woman

that's attached to that "beaver."

Gross. Anyway, I got

an announcement too.

I'm moving

out of my mama's crib.

- That's awesome.

- Yeah, 'cause that shit was getting sad, bro.

And I'm moving in

with one of y'all, so...

Absolutely not.

Come on, man. We always talked

about being roommates.

We said that when we was 13.

I'll pay rent.

[scoffs]

Y'all just get me a job

at one of your companies.

You work out constantly, and you can't

even keep a job as a personal trainer.

That's because they wanted me to

wake up at 8:
00-freaking-AM, man.

Roosters don't even be up

that damn early.

Hey, tough love time, bro.

You're becoming a loser.

Sorry, man.

You're on your own.

Y'all for real?

[sucks teeth] Man, y'all

some fucking sellouts, man.

You know what? Don't ask Hutch for shit.

How 'bout that?

What could we ever

need from you?

- Whatever, man. I don't need this shit.

- Hey, Hutch, wait.

- We actually do need something.

- [chuckles]

That's what I thought.

You got a grilled buffalo chicken

salad and four vodka sodas.

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