Fat Camp Page #5

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- Hey!

- I'm Hutch Daley.

Yeah, I know. I don't know

what we did in our past lives

to end up

at this blubber farm,

but you are

a sight for sore eyes.

All right, everybody.

- [feedback squeals]

- Does this thing work?

Settle down. There's gonna be plenty

of time for socializing, catching up.

Dinner's coming out soon.

And nothing contains peanuts 'cause

I can't afford another lawsuit.

Right?

[laughs]

Want a hit?

I want to listen

to Big Mike's speech.

- [Big Mike] This is...

- [liquid pouring]

the most important summer

in our camp's history.

Well, because this camp is pretty

damn close to going broke.

Yo, you ever thought

that your hotness

gets in the way of people

taking you seriously?

By "I want to listen,"

I meant "be quiet."

I dig a woman that knows

what she wants.

Okay then.

Shut the f*** up so I can

listen to my boss's speech.

All right, so, um,

new incentive policy! Huh?

The counselor whose campers lose

the highest cumulative body fat...

gets a $5,000 bonus!

- [all gasping]

- Before taxes.

If you have any questions, guys,

check in with Abby Krupa,

our "AK-47," and reigning

queen of weight loss.

She holds the record for

47 pounds lost by one camper.

But, you know, hey, hey.

I see some new faces, ya know?

Maybe one of them might challenge

the throne, you never know.

Hell yeah.

Sh*t, for five G's.

Boy, I'll put my finger down these kids'

throats myself, choke 'em out. Bow-bow!

Bulimia, you know, isn't part of

the program, but that's great.

Abby, it looks like you've got

some competition on your hands.

Only downside is the bonus was supposed

to be the end-of-summer dance money.

So we're gonna be combining

the dance with Camp Lone Pine.

Um, it's good to see you guys.

Um, enjoy dinner.

[clears throat]

[counselors groaning]

[snoring]

[panting]

[Abby]

Come on. Let's line up.

Are you eating right now?

We just had breakfast, man.

- Uh, it's a banana, sir.

- I know what it is!

[gasps]

Look, that thing's

loaded with sugar, guys.

What's the one thing you can eat

that has zero calories?

That pink pastry.

- How would a pastry have zero calories?

- It means "cooter," vag.

Listen up. Focus.

You guys think y'all have, like, I

dunno, a little bit of baby fat?

Yeah? No.

You got grown-man fat

on your little baby bodies.

Your lives are gonna suck dead donkey

dick if you don't focus up and fix it.

Right now, okay?

Kettle bells.

Come on. Let's go.

Ladies, kettle bells.

Just 15 pounds. We start

slow and learn to love it.

We still talking

about exercise?

No, nothing less than

than 40, all right?

This ain't no p*ssy-ass

Pilates class, okay?

We're building man muscle here.

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