Early Man Page #4

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at the full moon.

(ALL CHEERING)

And then we go back

to the valley!

- (ALL CHEERING)

- Sweet!

- (BUG CHITTERING)

- (YELPS).

(GROANS)

(BOTH STRAINING)

(GRUNTS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

CHIEF BOBNAR:
Right, line up,

everybody! In line!

- All yours, Dug.

- Thanks, Chief.

All right!

- Um...

- Um...

Are hogs supposed

to play football?

- (GRUNTING)

- No. Oh...

Probably not, no.

Sorry, Hognob.

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

- This is a football.

- (ALL GASP)

One side tries to kick

the ball into this goal.

ALL:
Ooh.

And the other side tries

to kick the ball in that goal.

ALL:
Ahh!

Football sounds hard.

What happens if you kick

the ball in the goal?

Well, if you kick the ball

in the goal,

then other men hug and kiss you.

- Oh.

- Mmm.

Right, who wants to try?

- I'll give it a go.

- (ALL LAUGH)

- ASBO:
Nice one.

- Aw, Mum!

Good, Magma. All right, okay, good.

Right. Um...

So I'm...

I'm gonna try and get the ball,

and you have to stop me, okay?

(GRUNTING)

Come on, come on!

- Ow!

- (ALL CHEERING)

- Nice one, Mum!

- MAGMA:
Football's brilliant.

CHIEF BOBNAR:

That can't be right.

Surely, you can't hit

other players?

No, you're supposed

to attack the ball.

(ALL SHOUTING)

No, no, no, no, not weapons!

Just use fist?

No! No fighting at all.

- Where's the fun in that?

- DUG:
Uh...

Hmm.

- (CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

- (GRUBUP GRUNTING)

(ALL LAUGHING)

- DUG:
Okay, Thongo!

- (THONGO GRUNTS)

Oh! (YELPS)

Ooh! (YELPS)

- Oh!

- Yes!

Good effort. Great.

Okay, next.

- (DUG CLEARS THROAT)

- Huh?

Hognob.

(SIGHS)

Go for it, Asbo.

(YELLING)

- Yay!

- (ALL CHEERING)

Yay!

Oh...

(BALL APPROACHING)

Excuse me!

Can we have our ball back,

please?

Huh. Hmm.

- (MEN SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)

- (GRUNTING)

LORD NOOTH:
Trust me, Dino.

This football match between

the Stone Age

and the Bronze World,

it's perfect!

- Oh, how I love it!

- Yes, football.

No.

Bronze!

- (CLINKING)

- LORD NOOTH:
Mmm.

So cold and hard and slippery.

- Mmm.

- (CHUCKLES)

Ooh.

And this game is going

to make me loads of it.

Your Premiership,

what if the Queen finds out?

(SCOFFS) That old crow?

She doesn't know

what goes on out here.

(CHUCKLES) Luckily.

- (BIRD SQUAWKS)

- (SPITS)

(GROANS)

Delivering message!

Your Footballness,

it's a Message Bird.

Huh?

Ugh. Well, go on, make it...

(CLEARS THROAT)

(IMITATING QUEEN)

"Hello? Hello?

"How do you use

this Message Bird thing?"

It's the Queen.

(IMITATING ADVISER) "Just

speak into its ear, ma'am.

"It will mimic

everything it hears."

(IMITATING QUEEN) "I don't even know if

I'm holding it the... Testing! (SQUAWKS)

"Testing! (SQUAWKS)

"Nooth? Nooth?"

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