Dirty Movie Page #5

And if this movie is

half as good as your t-shirts,

we're gonna be on top again.

Here, take this.

- How's your mother?

- They had to amputate.

Give her my love.

Are you the manager?

Actually, no.

Oh.

Can you get him for me?

Well, he's not here right now.

Is there anything

that I could do for you?

Yeah.

Can you give him

a message for me?

What message

should I give him?

Tell him...

there's no toilet paper

in the ladies' room.

What do a gynecologist

and a pizza boy

have in common?

They can smell it,

but they can't eat it.

Hey, Freddy taught me

some cool new swears.

Yeah?

Check this out.

What do you want

for breakfast, Johnny?

Fix me up some

motherfucking pancakes, b*tch.

You don't talk to me like that,

you little bastard!

Go to your room. Think about it.

You, what do you want?

I don't know,

but it sure as sh*t ain't pancakes.

Hi, Doc.

So how have you been?

Im sorry, do I know you?

Yes, you're the father

of one of my children.

Oh my God.

You're the stripper

that I f***ed at my bachelor party

while your friend spanked me

and shoved

a cucumber up my ass.

No, Im your son's

English teacher.

How's your Yorkie?

Hold on.

I just wrote this one down.

How many Polacks

does it take

to screw in-

Funny.

All righty,

now what was it?

I don't think you got

what I was saying in the script notes.

What were you saying?

What I was saying is

that if we just have

nothing but jokes

one after another,

there's no story.

Which of these is funnier?

- I don't care.

- Fair enough.

What I was saying is

that I don't think

anyone's gonna sit

through this entire movie

without a story.

That's all Im saying.

So what are you saying?

We have to find

a narrative-

a beginning, a middle

and an end.

So what if we take

all the characters

from the jokes-

the main characters

like the dumb blonde,

little Johnny,

the pedophile priest-

and we give them

a backstory?

Like what's-my-motivation

kind of sh*t?

Yeah, like maybe little Johnny spent

some time in foster care.

Or the dumb blonde used to be a guy,

and now she's gender-confused.

- Maybe.

- F*** no! They're jokes-

setup, punch line,

onto the next one. Come on.

Look, even in a porno film

the guy shows up

with the pizza.

We know the girl

has ordered the pizza.

We know he is there

to deliver the pizza.

There is a story.

So you want the priest

to deliver a pizza?

Im confused.

You know what? Forget it.

- I guess a priest could deliver a pizza.

- Never mind.

Or a rabbi comes

to fix the cable.

- Forget I even brought it up.

- Suit yourself.

Other button.

Good boy.

A blue-ball joke.

Mr. Siguera.

Yeah, how is she, Doc?

I have good news

Rate this script:4.0 / 1 vote