Dirty Movie

Synopsis: An outrageous cut-rate producer, Charlie LaRue (Christopher Meloni) is about to fulfill his lifelong dream to make a movie about the most offensive, dirtiest jokes ever told. As Charlie and his filmmaking team hilariously struggle to write a script and assemble their award-winning cast, the movie-within-a-movie emerges with one dirty joke after another. Only one can take the crown for writing the dirtiest joke ever told and Charlie will do whatever he can to be that king.
Genre: Comedy
Production: Lionsgate
91 min


Give us your tired, your poor,

your huddled masses

yearning to breathe free-

and looking for

a government handout,

a free lunch

and a dental plan too-

the wretched refuse

of your teeming shore,

your unwashed yellows and browns

and all colors in between,

Jews and gentiles,

Muslims and Hindus

and anyone else

with funny hats,

and we will make fun of them.

And now the white ladies.

Gosh, Nancy,

I just don't know what to do.

What's the matter, Sue?

Last week a man moved

into the house next door,

and he's African-American.

But when we were introduced,

I wasn't overcome with feelings

of rage or animal fear.

Gee, Sue, sounds like you've met

a non-threatening black man.

A non-threatening black man?

What's that?

A male Negro

who fails to trigger

the customary fight-or-flight response

in Caucasian women

due to his nonspecific physical

and socio-cultural attributes,

like Al Roker or Bryant Gumbel.

But if he's a non-threatening black man,

why isn't he a newscaster?

Oh, Sue, not every non-threatening

black man is a newscaster.

Some of them work

in advertising and politics.

Is that allowed?

In some states.

Gosh, this is all so confusing.

What should I do?

Move. He may be

non-threatening to you,

but your property values

won't know the difference.

You're right. I'll go home

and start packing right away.

But what'll I tell the kids?

Tell them to fear people

who are different.

Thanks, Nancy.

What would I do

without you?

And now please join us

in the singing

of our national anthem,

performed today

by international recording artist

and fourth runner-up

in the Miss Newark beauty pageant

Miss Tarnishe D'Silver.


Oh say

Can you


By the dawn's



Light light


The dawn's so

f***ing early in the morning

The dawn is

too f***ing early

In the morning

And this light, this light...

Bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom bom bom


dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom

Wah wah wah ooh

Bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom bom bom


dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom

Wah wah wah ooh

Bom bom bom


dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom

Wah wah wah ooh

Bom bom bom


dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom bom bom

Dip-dip dee bom

Wah wah wah ooh.

Well now, mister,

are you ready to behave yourself

like a good little boy

and join the rest of the class?

Well, I'm ready,

but can I ask you a question?

Yes, Charlie.

What is it?

What does a priest get

when he wants p*ssy?


Nun. Get it?

Sh*t! F***!

Jesus! Ah, Christ!

Ass rape! Help!

I said quit it, you dyke!


Young man, one day

you're going to

wind up in prison

on your way to hell!

Ill show 'em.

Ill show 'em all.

One day Im gonna

make a movie

with nothing but...


A whole movie-

nothing but jokes.

I don't follow.

Look, you guys used

to be big- huge.

You went national,

lampooning everything in sight.

Before your "Saturday Night Live,"

your Comedy Central,

it was your guys' name

synonymous with funny.

Better times.

Well, this is

how you get it back.

You forget all this

new media, viral video sh*t

and you get back to the funny.

Jokes are funny.

- Just jokes?

- Dirty jokes.

You want to make an entire movie out

of just dirty jokes?

- You got it.

- Just one after another?

- That's right.

- But that's not a movie.

I could be.

Look at "The Aristocrats. "

"The Aristocrats"

got a lot of heat.

Maybe we should do

something like that.

Yeah, but "The Aristocrats"

is a movie about a joke.

Right, so this will be

even better.

What if we did a 90-minute

Rate this script:(4.00 / 1 vote)

Alan Donnes

Alan Donnes was a writer, filmmaker, comic and author. more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Dirty Movie" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2022. Web. 24 May 2022. <https://www.scripts.com/script/dirty_movie_6963>.

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