Dirty Movie Page #4

Hit the button right there.

Yeah, can you believe it?

Yeah, go figure.

And how does this one go?

Nothing but riddles?

- Jokes.

- Jokes, yes, jokes.

- So?

- So I have an investor.

Oh, beauteous!

Yeah, a great guy too.

I know him from temple-

real respectable, upstanding,

a real family man.

He sponsors

my kid's soccer team.

Oh, a nice guy.

What's he do?

He owns those jerk-off booths

over on Eighth Avenue.

Nice. So he can put up

the whole nut?

- People like to jerk off.

- Okay.

He's in, but he does have

one condition.

Oh dang it.

What, girlfriend an actress?

Nah nah, when I told him

it was a joke movie,

he said for his money he wants us

to make fun of the muklehs.

He wants Arab jokes?

Yeah, they're dirty,

they ride camels, so forth.

"Ride camels. "

Consider it done.

Fantastic.

Here you go.

Oh, thank you, sir.

You are welcome.

So what stars

do you have for this movie?

A little too early to tell,

but we're talking

to Clooney's people, Matt Damon.

Really?

Hey, we just got a call.

Piscopo's out.

Joe Piscopo's out?

- Who's Joe Piscopo?

- Exactly.

Mommy,

where do babies come from?

Well, babies-

they come from the stork.

Who fucks the stork?

Hello.

Hello. Pardon me.

Im afraid Im lost, you see.

- Who are you?

- Im looking for the Hopkins Inn.

You with the government?

No no, Lord no.

Im from London actually.

London?

Sh*t, you a long way

from home, boy.

What you do up in England?

Oh, Im a taxidermist.

A taxi-what?

A taxidermist.

What's that mean?

It means I mount dead animals.

Its okay, boys.

He's one of us.

Why can't Arab children take

driver's ed and sex ed

on the same day?

Their camels get too tired.

Arr!

Its the damnedest thing, Doc.

Ive lost all hearing

on my right side.

I think I found the problem.

You had a suppository

in your ear.

I guess I know

where my hearing aid is.

Your battery is low.

What?

Your battery is low!

Dad, you wanted to see me?

Yeah, come in.

Close the door.

You know that movie

we're doing?

Look, it's just like

those e-mails

you send me all the time,

so I want you to write it.

But Ive never written

a movie before.

So? Before last year

you'd never written

a novelty t-shirt before.

Look what a good job

you did with those.

I still haven't

gotten paid for these.

Oh yeah?

Well, we'll look into it.

Right now we need some

dirty, filthy jokes.

How dirty? I mean, can we even

find actors willing to do that stuff?

Actors are whores.

That's one of the founding

principles of this business.

One time in Nashville I got an actor

to jerk off on an oatmeal cookie.

On camera?

No, but that's not the point.

The point is they want

to be in a hit.

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