Club Dread Page #4

I beg your pardon? Excuse me,

new fellow, please cut off this minor.

Oh, come on! If there's grass

on the field, then play ball.

Right, guv'nor?

Hey, Sammy, hit me!

Mmm!

Gracias, Sheriff.

Legalize it!

[Man Over P.A.] Hey, late night fun

at the campfire in one hour.

- And don't forget your condoms.

- Tequila! Who wants some?

Hey, what, are you dancing alone?

Hey, sweetie. Come here.

- [Gasps]

- Hi!

Whoo! I now pronounce you

Mr. And Mrs. Funzy!

You owe me one, bro.

Uh, may I kiss the bride?

- Um... do you work here?

- I do.

I'm Juan Castillo.

I am dive master.

Like, cliffs, or-or...

Cliffs, rocks, boards.

Whatever you wish.

Oh, that is a beautiful name.

"Peenalop."

Peenalop.

It's breathtaking.

Um, thank you.

So, tell me, what brings you

here to us, Peenalop?

Oh, oh. I'm on spring break.

I go to Oral Roberts.

Oral Roberts?

Is that anything like an Anal Johnson?

'Cause, well,

I've done that a few times.

Or am I thinking of a Dirty Sanchez?

That's the one.

- I don't know what that is.

- Uh... it's not for you.

- [Gasps] Oh, my God!

- Ah, yes.

A very magical place.

- Hey.

- Hey, Carlos.

Make it quick.

We got a lot of dishes.

[Clattering]

Goddamn monkeys.

[Muttering In Spanish]

- [Twig Snaps]

- [Gasps] You?

Carlos, these knives are filthy.

When are you gonna clean 'em?

Manana.

[Sighs]

- [Spanish]

- [Clattering]

[Gasps]

- [Screaming]

- [Coconut Pete]

One, two! One, two, three, four!

- Whoo-hoo!

- Whoo-hoo!

- All right!

- Solid.

Play "Margaritaville."

[Applause Stops]

Excuse me?

Play "Margaritaville."

I love that song.

Darlin', I think youre referrin'

to my song "Pina Coladaburg."

No, "Margaritaville. '

[Chuckles]

I think you mean "Pina Coladaburg."

A little song I wrote

seven and a half f***ing years...

before "Margaritaville"

was even on the map!

Of course,

you wouldn't know that 'cause...

you weren't even born yet!

- [Mock Laughter]

- Come on, hog shell. Let's get us a drink.

- I don't need this sh*t.

- Come on, man.

F*** that guy!

Son of a son of a b*tch!

Mother motherf***er!

- ## [Dance]

- Hey, Jenny.

[Moaning]

- [Laughs] God!

- Sorry.

Give me a heads-up

before you do that.

It's just a habit. I could see

how tight you were from a mile away.

What can I say?

Some girls are just tighter than others.

- [Chuckles]

- Sorry.

Uh... So, uh, I guess

I'm talkin' to a celebrity.

Congratulations.

I heard you got your own fitness show?

Uh, yeah. Amy Aerobics

accidentally ate some rat poison.

It was awful.

But I'm still really psyched.

I've been waiting a long time for this.

- That's great.

- Hey, Jen.

I will be glad to never

have to do this again.

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