Catch-22 Page #4

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That's close enough for me, Major.

Consider yourself a major.

I don't know anything

about being a commander.

We all have

to make sacrifices, Major.

Sir, I'm in Billeting and Laundry!

I know that, sir, but we all

have to do our part, I guess.

Well, I don't like my part.

Sergeant, I'm going to take

the rest of the afternoon off,

and lie down in my tent

and think about things.

Sir, there's someone

waiting to see you.

- Now?

- Yes, sir.

- Who is it?

- Captain Tappman, Group Chaplain.

What does he want?

Something to do with

Captain Yossarian.

Look, Sergeant...

My job is tough enough

without having to deal all the time

with people who want something.

- Do I make myself clear?

- Yes, sir.

I suppose you're wondering

about this.

No, sir.

It's not my place to wonder.

- Did you know people stare at me?

- No, sir.

They're thinking,

"Who is that Major Major,

"that he gets to be commander

without ever having flown?"

- I don't think people think that.

- Well, they are.

When I have this on,

they don't know who I am.

Did you know, in the Middle Ages,

princes and kings

would put on disguises

and walk around their subjects?

- I didn't know that.

- You don't know everything.

- No, sir. Why did they do that?

- Why did who do what?

Why did they walk around in disguise?

How the hell am I supposed to know?

I'm not some historian or anything.

I'm just a guy trying to do his job.

Good afternoon, Sergeant.

- What is it now?

- What do I do with the Chaplain?

I don't want anyone to come

and see me while I'm in my office.

What do I say to people

who want to see you?

- Tell them to wait.

- For how long?

- Until I've left.

- Then what?

- I don't care.

- I send them in after you've left?

You won't be here, then, will you?

Also, I don't want you coming in

while I'm in,

asking me

if there's anything you can do.

When should I ask

if there's anything I can do?

When I'm not there!

- What do I do then?

- Whatever has to be done.

I'm sorry to have to talk

to you this way, but I have to.

- Goodbye.

- Goodbye, sir.

- Thank you, for everything.

- Thank you, sir.

- The Major will see you now, Father.

- Thank you.

- You don't have to call me Father.

- Sergeant Towser speaking.

Will you go in?

Yes, sir. I have it here, sir.

- There's no one here.

- Where?

In Major Major's office.

- When?

- When you go to see him.

What I mean is you can't see him

when he's there,

when he's in his office.

I've tried. Several times.

When can you see him? Ever?

Yes, indeed, you can see him,

when he isn't there.

That is, he'll see you, all right,

but only in his office,

and only when he's not there.

The other times, when he's in...

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