Catch-22 Page #5

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he's not there

to be seen.

Except when he's out.

What the hell

are you talking about, Father?

Get your ass in here, Padre.

Are you describing

some mystical experience?

There are some peculiar things

happening.

You haven't had any ecstatic visions,

have you?

Didn't see a burning bush,

hear voices, anything like that?

- Nothing as extraordinary as that.

- I hope not.

We have to keep our supernatural

episodes down to a minimum.

- We have a war to win.

- Absolutely, sir.

- May I ask where we're going?

- Where we're going?

You are going

to Colonel Cathcart's office.

- Now?

- That's the general idea, Padre.

Is there anything wrong?

Have I done anything?

I don't know. Are you and

Captain Yossarian up to something?

- I don't know what you mean.

- Then who does?

- I don't know, sir.

- You don't know much about anything.

- No, sir. Sir?

- What is it?

It's not necessary to call me Father.

I'm an Anabaptist.

Thanks for the correction. Thanks

for setting me straight on that.

- I just thought you'd like to know.

- You're a captain, right?

- I'm a Lieutenant Colonel. Correct?

- Yes, sir, it is.

Then I can call you anything I want,

unless you have some objections.

- Out!

- Thank you, sir.

Sir, do you think now...?

- Morning. Anything I can get you?

- Morning, Lieutenant. What?

- Do you need any supplies?

- No.

Whisky, silk stockings,

building materials, fresh fruit?

The Colonel loves fresh fruit.

What about religious supplies?

I know I can get hold of an entire

shipment of religious relics.

Blessed by the Pope himself.

The stuff includes the bones

of some of your top saints.

- That's very kind of you.

- If you need anything, ask for Milo.

- I was never issued a blanket.

- Anything at all, now!

I think the Colonel wants to see me.

- He does?

- I believe so. I'm...

- Chaplain Tappman.

- You're Chaplain Tappman?

Have a seat. I'll tell the Colonel

you're here, Father.

It's not...

You'd better get some dry things.

I will. As soon as the Colonel

is through with me.

They just picked me up

out of the sea.

- I drifted for almost three days.

- You should report to the hospital.

- You could catch pneumonia.

- Not me.

- This is my fourth time.

- How do you mean?

I've put down in the Mediterranean

once, once in the Adriatic,

then I crash-landed one plane

and I bailed out once.

- You're very lucky.

- That's what some folks say.

Yossarian says they're gonna start

taking it out of my salary.

He's a friend of mine.

Do you know him?

- As a matter of fact...

- Captain Tappman!

- Perhaps you shouldn't fly any more.

- It's good practice.

- Tappman, the Colonel is a busy man.

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