Catch-22 Page #3

---

- Get out of the nose!

- I'm not in the nose.

Speak up. I still can't hear you.

They're trying to kill us.

Get out of here!

- Which way should I go?

- Turn left, you son of a b*tch!

Look, there goes Orr.

That stupid little bastard. Pull out!

I think you've caught

a little something there.

Is it my leg?

Is that my leg?

- What's with my leg?

- Take it easy.

My leg!

Yossarian's caught one.

- What's that? I don't get you.

- Help him!

- What?

- Help him! Help him!

- Help who?

- Help the bombardier!

- I'm the bombardier, I'm all right.

- Then help him. Help him!

It's...

- What's his name, the new gunner?

- Snowden.

- I'm cold.

- OK. You're gonna be OK.

I'm cold. I'm cold.

Over here! Hurry up!

- What?

- I asked how you were feeling.

Better, thank you. What about you?

- Me? Fairly well, thank you.

- You're welcome.

Except for a slight head cold.

Had it for about a week.

Can't seem to shake it.

You know what they're like.

No, I don't.

I've never really had a head cold.

I've tried but...

- Can't seem to be able to get one.

- You're very lucky.

Yes, I suppose I am.

Except for this piece of shrapnel

I caught in my leg.

I've never caught

a piece of shrapnel.

- You're a chaplain!

- Yes. Didn't you know that?

No, I didn't. I've never

really seen a chaplain before.

I had no idea chaplains

looked like that.

Well, if I can do anything

to help you, anything at all, you...

Anything?

Like books, or cigarettes.

Toys?

No, I have everything I need,

thank you very much.

- You could do one thing for me.

- What?

- You could speak to Major Duluth.

- The Squadron Commander?

Tell him

I don't want to fly any more.

Cathcart raised the number of

missions! He's trying to kill us all!

- I can't do it, I'm desperate!

- It's not my business...

- I'm desperate!

- I'll see what I can do. I will.

I'm gonna do my best.

It takes me 45 minutes

to do this thing.

First I saut the chicken parts,

then I put the raisins

and the onions in.

He yelled.

I'm awfully sorry, sir.

- What's your name?

- Major, sir.

Not your rank, I asked your name.

No, sir. I'm a captain.

My name is Major. Captain Major.

About as clear as mud, isn't it?

That's what it's just about

as clear as.

Listen, Captain. You know

Major Duluth, the Squadron Commander?

- He's a fine man, sir.

- Was. Major Duluth is dead.

I'm distraught to hear that.

You may be distraught but he's dead.

Shot down over Perugia today.

That'll teach him to go on missions

when he should be in the office.

- I don't see...

- We need a new squadron commander.

And you're the only major available

on our headquarters staff.

No, Major is my name, not my rank.

Rate this script:5.0 / 1 vote